Writer's Block: I May Be Crazy
Aug. 12th, 2009 | 01:34 pm
My coordinates are: Uføret
Feeling: 
optimistic
Soundtrack: P4
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What to annihilate? The same old contradiction
May. 20th, 2009 | 02:41 pm
My coordinates are: Weidekampsgade
Feeling: 
content
Soundtrack: Green Day - Christian's Inferno
Kinda sleepy at work, dragging my ass through the party committee. It will be great - awesome food and a good location. :3 We'll even get the Tivoli cards, or well, we're still expecting the final confirmation, but there should be nothing to it. Great. :D I'm drinking coffee later today with Nanna, it'll be nice. :D It's been too long.
I've taken Friday off, so I can enjoy a mini holiday. I hope the weather'll be all right. Tomorrow there's some bagpipe championship in Kongens Have, will most likely pop by with Majken, before we go to the Otto Frello exhibition ... i'm quite excited by that. He's awesome, very fantasy-inspired, with surrealistic elements. Friday the purty boy and I are going to Tenna's place to watch videos and such. Saturday and Sunday I don't know, I'll probably be spending one of the days drawing and being creative, and i'd like to do some more dolly shots. I'd also like to meet up with Sigurd, talk trash and have a good time. And then i'll probably end up having loads of sex with my lovely boyfriend. :3
I'm looking at some tiny dolls that'll be released soon. I feel so tempted to do some fucked up Alice in Wonderland-stuff gone totally bad/steampunk. Mmm, I wants! :D
Anyway ... back to work. Zzzzz...
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I'm not fucking arrrouuuund
May. 18th, 2009 | 04:22 pm
So, it's been ages since i've last updated. There's too much to go into (and not really that many exciting things to mention)... I'm very happy about my boyfriend, who fortunately turned out to not be able to go to the states to work. :3 I'm loving my dolls and want to acquire more, I love my friends and I want to get around to see them more (including the precarious balance of how much time to spend with a boyfriend). Getting tattooed in July again (will be great!) and so on and so forth. I've been allowed to wear short sleeves in the office (except for the public areas such as the reception and the cantina), which is awesome... I feel much more like myself at work. 8D Amazing what a difference it can make. I no longer feel like i'm in disguise. :)
Green Day released their new album, which, as I haven't been keeping up to date, kind of surprised me. XD I knew it a week in advance or so. The lovely Dannerr bought it for me as my stupid bank adviser sonofabitch hasn't gotten around to fix my stuff yet, so i'm purty darn broke until Wednesday at least. :O Anyway ... I was quite anxious about the release (21st Century Breakdown it's called). On one hand i'm always really excited for them to release new stuff, on the other hand i'm always worried that I will not like it. They are my favorite band and my first punk rock love, what if they manage to fuck up? D: I've been listening to Dookie and Kerplunk and such the past couple of days (warming up for the show in October XD), and the new album is different and similar simultaneously. It's much more complex than their old stuff - I think it's like a better American Idiot. God dammit boys, I wish you'd steer clear from the Queen inspiration and classical rock, but fuck damn they have some nice tunes on it. I like the fairly complex sound, it's very in your face, and the lyrics are awesome. *ramble ramble* 8D Some of the songs are a bit bland, but they'll grow on me.
I'm really impressed by the cover art, by the way. Street art/graffiti stencil/photography ... very cool. And I like Billie Joe yelling on Horseshoes and Handgrenades. :D YARRRRRRRRRRRRR! It's so energetic (I sound like the translated lyrics of the Totoro soundtrack).
I like them best when they're upbeat and do fast, four-chord stuff. For example, I think Dookie's a brilliant album. Simple, but awesome... all the songs rock. It's definitely also that kind of songs that I like on the new album. On one hand I can't help being a bit reactionary and wish they'd stick to the fast, punky stuff, but then i'm like ... well, if I want that purely, I can just listen to the old records. I like to see them develop and evolve their style, and I like the renewal of it. I like that they're not stuck in the same formula.
I saw some comments on the review at gaffa.dk where (more or less) fans bitched about it not being 'real' Green Day. Well ... I think people are scared of losing sight/control of the music they like because they're reactionary and narrow-minded. I see this tendency in myself, but I prefer to enjoy the development and change instead (or at least try to). I have also seen a couple of review stating the album is kind of convenient, and a repetition of American Idiot, only not as good. Well ... I liked American Idiot, but I definitely think this one is better. :D It has more class, and the songs are more compact, complex. However, I agree with Rolling Stone: "21st Century Breakdown is even better, so masterful and confident it makes Idiot seem like a warm-up." Spot on. :)
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Beastly Bit pt. XXIV
Jan. 14th, 2009 | 09:47 pm
My coordinates are: Uføret
Feeling: 
distressed
Soundtrack: Supersuckers - Supersuckers Drive By
SO.
My darling's gonna leave for half a year for San Fransicso. Originally he wasn't supposed to go until January next year, but his student councellor has adviced him to take off already this summer.
That really fucking sucks.
I know it's for a limited period, and I know he's really fond of me. I also know i'll be visiting him.
But gods, it's gonna suck. I'm gonna miss him like hell. I don't know if our relationship will survive. Six months is a long time, even with visits and all. It will be ... life without this person.
He's had a dream about it for years, and it's been planned out for at least two years, so I can't complain or put my foot down. I understand that he wants to go, and I won't stop him. Not that I think I could, anyways. It wouldn't even be a good idea. Either it'd be a backlash along the lines of ”you're trying to force me to not go, well screw you, now i'm definitely going”, or if I get him to stay, it probably would lead to some kind of bitterness – I was the one holding him back.
So I can do nothing but let him go, and keep my fingers crossed.
He's very considerate about it. It's not even certain he'll be able to get into a company over there, it's not certain he'll be leaving at all, it's not even certain it'll be this summer. I can see that he feels sad about leaving, and he's doing what he can to make me feel safe about it. He's even offered to pay for my plane ticket over there to visit him.
I think it's scary for two reasons, plus misc stuff.
It's gonna be hell to miss him. Simple as that.
I'm afraid we'll lose touch, and/or find out we can live without each others. That we'll end up strangers, that it'll ruin something.
Then there's the random stuff. I've had my share of long distance relationships, and I don't want any more of that, it's too painful. I'm also aching right now, because it's stressing me out. I was surfing about on the hotrod forum, and he mentioned in some post that he'd be leaving for San Fran (in connection with something else), and I just felt like someone had punched me in solar plexus.
It's terrible, because I finally meet this guy who's awesome. He's cute, considerate, sweet, bright, listens to me, looks good, has energy, is interesting and funny, and so on and so forth ... I think most of you know how I feel about him, and I know it's returned. And it's so terrible that this is lurking in the horizon; that he has to leave for so long.
I have four weeks of vacation, and I figure i'll be visiting him two times, in order to minimize the intervals where we don't see each others. I'm also considering paying for two extra weeks of vacation, so i'll get to stay with him three weeks at a time. We're talking about video diaries and Skype. I try to be positive about it, and i'm looking forward to being able to go to San Fran and California again. I try to be optimistic, but it's also so unbearable. I believe our relationship will be strong enough to handle it, and I believe it'll work out ... this doesn't feel like any random boyfriend, and it doesn't seem as if he's only moderately interested in me. I think we're both very focused on each others.
I try to take precautions; I try to figure out how to do this the best, but i've never been in a situation like this. I've never dated anyone who was gonna leave like that. They've always been far away to begin with. I try to tell him that we can stick it out, like I tell him I cannot guarantee things will work out, and that we're running a risk. I try to think of what could go wrong, and how to avoid things going wrong, and what could be good things to do. I figure we need to stay in touch as much as possible, keeping an ear to the ground and such; continually having a feeling of how each others are doing, so it won't get too strange. I don't want to break up before he's leaving, and neither does he. I won't know if it's fucking up, until he's on Danish ground again.
So, fuck ... suggestions are welcome.
On another note, I try to not feel guilty about not seeing people as much as I usually do. It seems to me that i'm already seeing my friends too little, and now that i've basically gotten myself a boyfriend, there's even less time. I feel sorry about that, but I also need to take this extra time for this relationship, because i'm really glad of him. Guilt guilt guilt. :)
Guess i'm slightly stressed out about everything. Currently I don't seem to get around to do all the things I want to – hell, I still have some laundry in the basement I need to fetch. I think i'm kinda waiting for my life to return to some ... sense of normal. I got a boyfriend now, i've quit smoking, it's a new year, my home is different due to new lamps (stupid, but influential), new friends, old friends and acquaintances kind of slipping because I just don't have the time, things change around me, and I try to hold on. I try to get the necessary amount of sleep, I try to keep being creatively productive, I try to keep up. I don't do anything out of malicious intentions; i'm paranoid about grudges. I expect too much of myself; disproportional to what I expect of others.
So oh well. I'll deal with California somehow. Que sera sera. I need to reprioritize, and get a little smarter about my social life. If I continue feeling stressed out, i'll see the headlady.
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Don't let your waaaalls down ...
Nov. 25th, 2008 | 03:53 pm
My coordinates are: Weidekampsgade
Feeling: 
ecstatic
Soundtrack: Social D - Gotta Know The Rules
So, time for an update, huh?
Well, i'm in luuurv. :3 Totally ridiculous, worst teenage crush ever. I find myself sneaking into the restroom at work to take pics of myself holding signs saying I really like him, and then mmsing them to him. I'll spend the remainder of my money on buying cake for him Saturday morning, instead of buying food for myself (technically, cake is food, but y'know...). I can't remember how I normally spend my days. I'm not focused at work; I catch myself bringing my private cell with me when I leave my work space, but not the company cell.
How pathethic. How absolutely wonderful. :D
So, who is this guy?
Oh, he's awesome. Let's see. It's always hard to sum up people in brief, especially when you're at work and are supposed to translate CVs, but instead just wanna share something with the world. So anyways. He's rockabilly, from the boondocks, and is an extremely sweet and sincere guy. He's a bit younger than me; 26, but I don't feel that he's immature compared to me. He's funny, and cute, and we get along well. I like how he's interested in what i'm doing, and he's passionate about his interests. I like that when I show him something, say an article in a magazine, he actually reads it and makes observant comments on it. So fucking cool. Also, he can kick my ass, that mean motherfucker. :) And oh yeah. He's a looker as well. ^^ He's a cutie. And knows what he's doing in bed. :3
So bla bla bla. I'm very fond of him. I'll be seeing him tomorrow; haven't seen him since Sunday, and yesterday I felt like I was going crazy.
I keep thinking ... there has to be a catch somewhere. It's almost too good to be true. But then ... I don't really feel there is. It's just good, a smooth ride. We reflect, feel the same, or so I perceive.
It's so goddam nice to finally be with a guy who's just ... a good catch, a good person, no imminent trouble lurking in the horizon. I've been through so many crappy situations the past year or two, it's nice to experience something like this. It's nice to see that dating can be fairly uncomplicated. That I can be liked and desired, that I don't feel like i'm constantly running to keep up, or feeling half-hearted.
Hmm. I try to put down how I feel; I wanna write something really excellent, perfect, beautiful and poetic. But I just end up with the written equivalent of giggles. Confound it. :)
Guess i'm just happy.
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Continental cats
Nov. 2nd, 2008 | 08:51 pm
My coordinates are: Uføret
Feeling: content
Soundtrack: Social D - Pleasure Seeker
So, better do an entry which isn't about plotting my own self-destruction in a great big fireball.
I am doing good. :D Went to the headlady again yesterday, and it was very good. So far it's been too short time to tell, but I feel more ... satisfied about my situation than I did before. I feel more centered in myself.
I'm meeting up with that Danner guy (the lemon moon guy from the previous post) tomorrow, i'm kinda excited about it. I think it'll be fun, he seems like a nice guy. We seem to be kinda flirting; interesting as he has a girlfriend. Hmm. I wonder what he's up to. And what i'm up to, for that matter. XD
Did the last payments on Williamaww. Whee! I can see that Iple has registered the payment, so hopefully he'll be shipping out soon. :D
Got a nasty nasty surprise bill from the power company, which i've paid now. God dammit, how annoying. I might have to cancel some of the activities i've planned this month. Initially I feel annoyed, because I have to do these things. But then I feel like .... I don't HAVE to do anything, other than take care of my job, and keep in touch with my friends, not to mention take care of myself. Not necessarily in that order. Anyway. I don't have to do those things in order to have a good month.
I guess I divide things into various groups. There are the things I want to do/have/see/whatever, and there are those that I actually need to do/have/etc. I try to prioritize as well as I can, because I can't do everything. Some things are important, others aren't.
My creativity has picked up pace again. I've started writing outside the writing group, i've been doing some drawing and photography, and i'm making progress on Carson's tattoos. :D Jir! It feels good. I can't wait 'til I get my own camera, instead of having to rely on others, or borrow my parents' less-than-optimal one.
Wellwell. Gonna boil some pasta and watch some more Stargate: Atlantis.
I am doing good. :D Went to the headlady again yesterday, and it was very good. So far it's been too short time to tell, but I feel more ... satisfied about my situation than I did before. I feel more centered in myself.
I'm meeting up with that Danner guy (the lemon moon guy from the previous post) tomorrow, i'm kinda excited about it. I think it'll be fun, he seems like a nice guy. We seem to be kinda flirting; interesting as he has a girlfriend. Hmm. I wonder what he's up to. And what i'm up to, for that matter. XD
Did the last payments on Williamaww. Whee! I can see that Iple has registered the payment, so hopefully he'll be shipping out soon. :D
Got a nasty nasty surprise bill from the power company, which i've paid now. God dammit, how annoying. I might have to cancel some of the activities i've planned this month. Initially I feel annoyed, because I have to do these things. But then I feel like .... I don't HAVE to do anything, other than take care of my job, and keep in touch with my friends, not to mention take care of myself. Not necessarily in that order. Anyway. I don't have to do those things in order to have a good month.
I guess I divide things into various groups. There are the things I want to do/have/see/whatever, and there are those that I actually need to do/have/etc. I try to prioritize as well as I can, because I can't do everything. Some things are important, others aren't.
My creativity has picked up pace again. I've started writing outside the writing group, i've been doing some drawing and photography, and i'm making progress on Carson's tattoos. :D Jir! It feels good. I can't wait 'til I get my own camera, instead of having to rely on others, or borrow my parents' less-than-optimal one.
Wellwell. Gonna boil some pasta and watch some more Stargate: Atlantis.
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Crisis averted II
Oct. 26th, 2008 | 10:30 pm
My coordinates are: Uføret
Feeling: amused
Soundtrack: Stargate Atlantis in the background
So anyway. A long talk with a good friend and some perspective on life always helps.
Today i've been hotroddin' again. And I won cake! 8D Along with some other guy, who proceeded to eat all of his at once.
Not too bright, but kinda cute ... which isn't very obvious on this pic.
Anyway. It was fun. I love those people.
More piccies here, enough to create a hardon on certain people (scroll a bit down): http://traditional-hotrods.dk/?page_id=4/a
Today i've been hotroddin' again. And I won cake! 8D Along with some other guy, who proceeded to eat all of his at once.
Not too bright, but kinda cute ... which isn't very obvious on this pic.
Anyway. It was fun. I love those people.
More piccies here, enough to create a hardon on certain people (scroll a bit down): http://traditional-hotrods.dk/?page_id=4/a
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Can I take you to a restaurant that's got glass tables? You can watch yourself while you're eating..
Oct. 21st, 2008 | 01:17 pm
My coordinates are: Weidekampsgade
Feeling: 
annoyed
Soundtrack: Tapping of keyboard
Confound it! I need to get hold of mr. Tattoo to clarify whether or not we have an appointment in November. I can't afford getting tattooed again until January (and neither can my mental health ... gah), and I want to get clarification on this point. Also, so he won't stress about getting a sketch done before the beginning of November. I don't wanna risk standing him up, either.
I want this clarified, so I won't have it hanging over my head - having to deal with him again until January.
But of course, I can't get hold of him. I tried calling the tattoo parlor a couple of times, but no reply. I don't wanna leave a message, and drown on their answering machine in teenagers wanting star tattoos and jocks wanting tribals. So what are the options?
1. Text him. And having to wait for a reply? Nah.
2. Drop by there. Gods, i'm too lazy for that. I don't wanna see him now if I can avoid it. :) Besides, I don't have the time to drop by the parlor.
3. Try calling again. Well, they rarely answer their phone.
4. Ignoring it. Well ... standing up your tattoo artist wil NOT improve the designs you're having made.
Gah, rarr. How annoying.
I want this clarified, so I won't have it hanging over my head - having to deal with him again until January.
But of course, I can't get hold of him. I tried calling the tattoo parlor a couple of times, but no reply. I don't wanna leave a message, and drown on their answering machine in teenagers wanting star tattoos and jocks wanting tribals. So what are the options?
1. Text him. And having to wait for a reply? Nah.
2. Drop by there. Gods, i'm too lazy for that. I don't wanna see him now if I can avoid it. :) Besides, I don't have the time to drop by the parlor.
3. Try calling again. Well, they rarely answer their phone.
4. Ignoring it. Well ... standing up your tattoo artist wil NOT improve the designs you're having made.
Gah, rarr. How annoying.
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Armenia city in the sky
Oct. 4th, 2008 | 03:52 am
My coordinates are: Uføret
Feeling: 
determined
Soundtrack: Totoro soundtrack
4 am.
Watching Totoro and eating chocolate.
Not so bad.
Crashed out for six hours after work, and woke up a couple of hours ago. Makes me feel all askew. Bordering on the unhinged. You know, you wake up at some strange point of day (or in this case, night), and everything is just weird, out of tune, like discovering some kind of parallel underworld. Like if you get up way too early in the morning. It feels unnatural, or wrong. Unnatural's probably too hard a word.
I get annoyed because that's not how I planned to spend Friday evening. I'd rather have been writing or drawing, or perhaps painting. Then I feel my own fuckiness creep up on me, and that's such a pain in the ass. On the other hand, I probably needed the rest.
So now i'm trying to come to terms with myself, resolve issues (such a hackneyed word). I guess what i'm specifically is grasping at, is that the most important thing in the world is that i'm happy, and I need to do whatever it takes to reach that point - which actually shouldn't be difficult. You know, when you have to do some minor thing, but it's like the whole world pivots on it. It's a question of perspective, and how relative things are to other things.
I'm burying my initating angst of not having someone to date. Hell, i'm in no shape for that, I have other things to take care of. It's not important. It's not an objective. I can't depend on a person; a slot in my life, for that. It's not what's gonna make me happy. I can take care of myself.
I'm actually doing good. I need to tell myself that some more. The headlady's right, i'm an expert at beating myself up, so i'm gonna stop doing that. It's too easy. There's no easy way out, as Crimpshrine once sang. Well, i've never been partial to easy ways anyway. :)
I'm glad almost all problems are in my mind. That can be remedied. I'm glad i'm not ill, or out of work, or have lost someone precious. I can deal with this, and i've done it before. I even know what to do for the most part. I ride things out, I put some work into it. Like having the flu, and knowing you need to stay in bed, need to take vitamins, drink tea and keep wrapped up.
Watching Totoro and eating chocolate.
Not so bad.
Crashed out for six hours after work, and woke up a couple of hours ago. Makes me feel all askew. Bordering on the unhinged. You know, you wake up at some strange point of day (or in this case, night), and everything is just weird, out of tune, like discovering some kind of parallel underworld. Like if you get up way too early in the morning. It feels unnatural, or wrong. Unnatural's probably too hard a word.
I get annoyed because that's not how I planned to spend Friday evening. I'd rather have been writing or drawing, or perhaps painting. Then I feel my own fuckiness creep up on me, and that's such a pain in the ass. On the other hand, I probably needed the rest.
So now i'm trying to come to terms with myself, resolve issues (such a hackneyed word). I guess what i'm specifically is grasping at, is that the most important thing in the world is that i'm happy, and I need to do whatever it takes to reach that point - which actually shouldn't be difficult. You know, when you have to do some minor thing, but it's like the whole world pivots on it. It's a question of perspective, and how relative things are to other things.
I'm burying my initating angst of not having someone to date. Hell, i'm in no shape for that, I have other things to take care of. It's not important. It's not an objective. I can't depend on a person; a slot in my life, for that. It's not what's gonna make me happy. I can take care of myself.
I'm actually doing good. I need to tell myself that some more. The headlady's right, i'm an expert at beating myself up, so i'm gonna stop doing that. It's too easy. There's no easy way out, as Crimpshrine once sang. Well, i've never been partial to easy ways anyway. :)
I'm glad almost all problems are in my mind. That can be remedied. I'm glad i'm not ill, or out of work, or have lost someone precious. I can deal with this, and i've done it before. I even know what to do for the most part. I ride things out, I put some work into it. Like having the flu, and knowing you need to stay in bed, need to take vitamins, drink tea and keep wrapped up.
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Technically...
Oct. 2nd, 2008 | 04:14 pm
My coordinates are: Weidekampsgade
Feeling: 
giddy
Soundtrack: Crimpshrine - Pretty Mess
... Mr. Tattoo has drawn small hearts on me.
That is kinda cute. ^^
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But there ain't nothing wrong with the way he moves
Oct. 2nd, 2008 | 12:47 am
My coordinates are: Uføret
Feeling: amused
Soundtrack: Depeche Mode - Martyr
Ah, a day of rock'n'roll.
Took off from work a little earlier than usual, to go home, change into comfortable clothes, pack some stuff, then out the door, to the tattoo parlor. Which was brilliant. Finishing my awesome tattoo, my lovely, bloody angel. Holding court with a couple of good friends, Majken and Anne, and of course the usual S&M endorphin kick from da hot tattoo guy.
Afterwards, Hans was at Amager Bio, and had put me on the guest list for the Hellacopter's last show ever, so I popped by there. The guy arranging the Tattoo con in Malmö was there as well, so I could hobnob a bit. Cool people. :) Got a hug and a kiss on the head from some tattooed guy, combed back hair, totally superficial, but I needed that, and liked it. :)
Ended up talking to some programmer guy with a very drunk friend, he got my number, so we'll see if he texts me tomorrow. He doesn't fit into my fetish of hot rockabilly guys, but ah well, it's an interesting experiment.
Right, i'm gonna rant a bit about mr. tattoo, because, well, I need to, and i'm trying leaving ranting irl to my friends to a minimum. So you can skip the rest of this entry now, if you feel like it. :)
When I got there, he said he had had trouble finding out anything about the contests at the con, when they were and such. The arranger, Buddha, didn't want to say anything about it, or so Mr. Tattoo claimed. Well fortunately Louise is a well-connected young lady with an excellent memory, who recalled Hans from Malmö mentioning that his friend was the one arranging the con. So nochalantly I said i'd find something out, and I felt really, really good about texting Mr. Tattoo at the Hellacopters show... "Oh yeah, I just spoke to Buddha, he says the contest I should enter is the best color one, and it's Saturday at six, by the way." Muhehehe. Anyway, Buddha and some other tattoo guy, Alex or something (probably someone really well-recognized) said it'd be the color competition, because my tat doesn't fit into any other category. Which is kinda cool, actually.
Anyway. Seeing mr. Tattoo ... i've been kinda anxious about that. I knew the session itself would be fun, but that i'd also feel kinda caught up in him and rejected, and the following week would be a downer; me thinking 'oh it should have been' but it's not. Fortunately i've got good friends who kept me company, and thereby quite distracted from the guy inking my skin, as well as good friends who've given me good advice. I thought of him being someone else, using him for reference. Everytime he'd stand or sit there and look gorgeous, I thought of my characters instead. It seems to have worked. I feel like ... yeah it was fun, but I don't really have that 'I wanna date him'-feeling. He's hot and pleasant to be around, but ... nah. Bad news.
I guess in a way I pity him. It was the first time Majken met him, and afterwards she said that she understood why I found him attractive, but she also noticed that he looked worn. She's right about that. I remember a couple of sessions ago where he talked about how his life was scheduled and how he was stressed out about work. He had this wild, worn look in his eyes. Also, when I mention that he's the same age as me, people are surprised - figuring he's in the beginning of his thirties, because he looks a bit haggard.
So I pity him. Not in the I wanna rescue him-way, more like ... Poor guy. He's just a mess. I'm glad i'm not getting tangled up in that. I think with his background of alcoholic parents not really caring about him, he's had to do his own thing all the way, there hasn't been anyone to care. Which makes him hard.
Yeah, I believe that in the end you have noone but yourself, but I also think it's important to let people in, and let your guard down. You have to be soft sometimes, to get the max out of life.
He must live in a cold world, trying to live up to his own ambitions (I've recently had a short spell of that, and that wasn't fun), no trust; neither of himself nor of others. I mean, if he was normal, we would be hanging out. Maybe i'd still not get my hands on him, but ... you can still make a casual appointment.
This is not a question of 'oh, why won't he date me', or me feeling rejected, because I don't. I don't know how to phrase it, but he's missing out on something by not hanging out with someone like me. Not that i'm made for him or that it should be or anything. I just think he'd enjoy our company, if we hung out in private. If it was me, even if I didn't want to date the person, i'd still like a chat and a cup of coffee.
And so I get kinda fascinated, not in a crushing-on-him-way. I kind of wish we could hang out, because i'd like to know how he ticks. I can see he's got issues, and I can see some of the things emanating from this, but i'd like to know exactly what's happening in his head, how he regards himself, how he regards others.
I want to understand, so I can improve my general understanding of humans, like a scientific project. I'm not gonna do anything to set up an appointment or anything, that battle's over, and would suck too much energy out of me anyways. I'd just love to get wiser. To know how he thinks. It's interesting.
I have issues myself, and have known a lot of people who's had issues, but not like this. I still come from a fairly safe background, my upbringing's still been pretty normal. It kinda makes me feel like my issues are luxury problems. It's all in my mind, and that can be fixed. You can't rearrange your parents, or your childhood.
Seeing him today made me feel oddly good about myself. Sitting there with good friends, laughing, talking, doing the ping-pong and the teasing. (Mr. Tattoo: "Could you move that chinese screen thing?" Louise: "Chinese, you say .... you know, to me it looks oddly like Japanese art." Mr. Tattoo: "Yeah, whatever! You're always on my back! " *grumble-grin*) 90% of the perception of him is hot and attractive, 10% that he's tired, worn. Laughing, going home, actually being carefree. I'm not alone, not alone as he'll always be somehow.
A friend of mine had a good point. He explained to me that yeah sure, mr. Tattoo is hot and awesome, but i'm even more so. I guess I kinda realized that today. Yes, he's attractive. I'd love him to throw me around. "Come here," whispered hoarsely, pulling me against him. Or the other way around. Beating the crap out of him with a belt, forcing him to lick my boots. But he's also ... one-dimensional. He doesn't budge, he doesn't flex. He knows what he's interested in, and that's fine, but he can't ... really get into other things. He's so steeled. He has to have things explained to him in a certain way, otherwise he won't get it. His temper is short, he has no patience with people. I have this feeling that everything he does is for his own gain solely. There's nothing wrong with that in theory, but I think it gets kinda inhuman, not flexing that every once in a while; doing something nice for others, because you wanna do something nice for others. Example ... I have a suspicion he's giving me a discount because it makes him feel like a nice guy, not because it's doing me a favor.
Another thing is ... I think he wants me at that con to gain recognition for himself, not to give me an experience. Of course, this is putting things at a point, and there's probably also some sort of consideration for me somewhere - it's just not a very big part of that at all. I think he's the kinda guy that would only do exactly the things that he wants to. I can't picture him going out of his way to make other people happy, the way you'd do it for friends or who else might be in need.
Another example: Last time when I was giving him the material for my next tattoo. I had forgotten the sketch of how I figured it should be composed, and drew an extremely quick overview of it on the envelope; it took like five seconds. I told him, "hey, let me just do this really quick, it'll give you an idea of what I picture." Two lines, three circles. Already he was getting impatient, it didn't suit him at all. That was kind of weird. If I had garbled on for ten minutes, i'd understand that he'd need to move on, but this was so fast. He has no margin of tolerance. He's a hard person, and though that's attractive when people appear that way at first glance, it's tiresome to deal with over time. You have to balance that kind of thing with a soft core, or at least soft sides. He lives in a simple world. Sometimes I wish I was ignorant, or just some blonde bimbo whose only ambition was to get a husband and some kids, maybe work in a shop somewhere. But then I think ... oh, how many things i'd miss out on. I think he's missing out, big time.
I feel sorry for him, because there's nowhere to go with him. It's like he's painted himself into a corner, he's missing something, like he's defect ... well, which actually is his own words. I don't think he's miserable. I think his life has certain qualities to it. I guess I just pity him for not being a complete person. What a loss. Sometimes he makes me feel like giving him a hug and telling him everything will be all right, but it'd eat me up. It'd be a black hole to pour a lot of energy and love into, without getting much back.
I really hope he'll be all right someday. That he'll find what he's missing in life, that he'll get to terms with himself. That he'll get that haunted look out of his eyes. That ... he'll mature, put out the flames burning him on the inside. Like Alf. Life's too short for that kind of wearing yourself out.
Well anyway, enough analyzing him. It was good to get tattooed. I really enjoyed the messing with him, the kind of understated flirt. I'll disregard that he's just being professional, treating every customer like that, and believe that he enjoys talking to someone who's not a complete airhead. I loved the conversation I overheard while waiting for him to get ready to take me in. Some guy was showing drawings, and made a comment on how it'd make him happy if mr. Tattoo got a cancellation this evening. Mr. Tattoo grinned and pointed at me and said "no, because i'll be tattooing that sweet one over there." It warmed my greedy little heart.
Or him heading off to buy a sandwich, asking if i'd like a soda or something, and I asked him to bring me a coke, which he did. Believe me, I enjoyed every sip of it. Every drop passing my lips, into my mouth, bubbling on my tongue, cooling my piercings. Licking the sugary feeling off my lips. Every goddam sip. Not the kind of drink i'd want him to buy for me, but it'll do.
You get your kicks, take your trophies and pleasures where you can.
Mocking him for probably not being able to spell something on the tattoo right, and his retort "oh, so you never misspell anything?" Anne and Majken started laughing, and I was just like ... "Well, actually, never." Anne and Majken choiring in: "It's her job." Awesome. Stupid when you retell it, but it was fun. Sitting there wired on sugar and endorphins, slouching in the chair, sipping my precious coke. Like a combination of being drunk and stoned on cigarettes.
We talked a bit about cars, he mentioned the Bedrock hotrod arrangement held every summer, and I put on my poker face, pretending I hadn't heard about it. I think there's a fair possibility i'll bump into him on Sunday, when going to the scrap market with the people from the hotrod forum. If not there, i'll bump into him in some other connection with hotrods.
Stating that my friend Majken was gonna drop by, getting a parental look from him, him saying that I hadn't asked him permission for that. Oh boy, i'd love to see him utilize that in some S&M scenario. Ain't gonna happen, but it's a very nice thought.
Joking with him getting a Ford A, getting into a granny suit.
Noticing him start to kinda dance and sing along to the music, mentioning it, which made him shut up, unfortunately. It was cute.
Asking him what the hell 'stationary stars' are.
Him saying something going off in that usual Mr. Tattoo way, catching himself in the middle of saying something off, then commenting on it himself. "Oh yeah, and now you're gonna say that me looking thoughtful is out of character!" Louise: *spreads hands out* "I'm not saying anything!" Mr. Tattoo: "No, you don't have to." *scowl*
Getting mocked for all sorts of stuff. "Yeah, usually with customers I can draw whatever I feel like. But not with Louise, oh no. She has strict demands." Then that grin. Majken commented that he wouldn't tell me off like that if he didn't like me.
Him threatening to turn the box of chocolates into Merci, or Cheri, with little cherry-filled hearts of crappy quality spilling out.
The whole thing about the shrimp.
I could go on. Or maybe not, these are the highlights that I remember. Anyways... should get to bed, have to get up too soon. Arg.
I can't take you home with me
Too bad cuz it's so hard to be
In love ... with no place to go.
You got no rest
This place is way too cold
Worry about my next fix
Chewing gum, smoking cigarettes
My friends will never understand why I fell for you
Such a pretty mess
Drowning in your sorrow
Outside the club
Such a pretty mess
Took off from work a little earlier than usual, to go home, change into comfortable clothes, pack some stuff, then out the door, to the tattoo parlor. Which was brilliant. Finishing my awesome tattoo, my lovely, bloody angel. Holding court with a couple of good friends, Majken and Anne, and of course the usual S&M endorphin kick from da hot tattoo guy.
Afterwards, Hans was at Amager Bio, and had put me on the guest list for the Hellacopter's last show ever, so I popped by there. The guy arranging the Tattoo con in Malmö was there as well, so I could hobnob a bit. Cool people. :) Got a hug and a kiss on the head from some tattooed guy, combed back hair, totally superficial, but I needed that, and liked it. :)
Ended up talking to some programmer guy with a very drunk friend, he got my number, so we'll see if he texts me tomorrow. He doesn't fit into my fetish of hot rockabilly guys, but ah well, it's an interesting experiment.
Right, i'm gonna rant a bit about mr. tattoo, because, well, I need to, and i'm trying leaving ranting irl to my friends to a minimum. So you can skip the rest of this entry now, if you feel like it. :)
When I got there, he said he had had trouble finding out anything about the contests at the con, when they were and such. The arranger, Buddha, didn't want to say anything about it, or so Mr. Tattoo claimed. Well fortunately Louise is a well-connected young lady with an excellent memory, who recalled Hans from Malmö mentioning that his friend was the one arranging the con. So nochalantly I said i'd find something out, and I felt really, really good about texting Mr. Tattoo at the Hellacopters show... "Oh yeah, I just spoke to Buddha, he says the contest I should enter is the best color one, and it's Saturday at six, by the way." Muhehehe. Anyway, Buddha and some other tattoo guy, Alex or something (probably someone really well-recognized) said it'd be the color competition, because my tat doesn't fit into any other category. Which is kinda cool, actually.
Anyway. Seeing mr. Tattoo ... i've been kinda anxious about that. I knew the session itself would be fun, but that i'd also feel kinda caught up in him and rejected, and the following week would be a downer; me thinking 'oh it should have been' but it's not. Fortunately i've got good friends who kept me company, and thereby quite distracted from the guy inking my skin, as well as good friends who've given me good advice. I thought of him being someone else, using him for reference. Everytime he'd stand or sit there and look gorgeous, I thought of my characters instead. It seems to have worked. I feel like ... yeah it was fun, but I don't really have that 'I wanna date him'-feeling. He's hot and pleasant to be around, but ... nah. Bad news.
I guess in a way I pity him. It was the first time Majken met him, and afterwards she said that she understood why I found him attractive, but she also noticed that he looked worn. She's right about that. I remember a couple of sessions ago where he talked about how his life was scheduled and how he was stressed out about work. He had this wild, worn look in his eyes. Also, when I mention that he's the same age as me, people are surprised - figuring he's in the beginning of his thirties, because he looks a bit haggard.
So I pity him. Not in the I wanna rescue him-way, more like ... Poor guy. He's just a mess. I'm glad i'm not getting tangled up in that. I think with his background of alcoholic parents not really caring about him, he's had to do his own thing all the way, there hasn't been anyone to care. Which makes him hard.
Yeah, I believe that in the end you have noone but yourself, but I also think it's important to let people in, and let your guard down. You have to be soft sometimes, to get the max out of life.
He must live in a cold world, trying to live up to his own ambitions (I've recently had a short spell of that, and that wasn't fun), no trust; neither of himself nor of others. I mean, if he was normal, we would be hanging out. Maybe i'd still not get my hands on him, but ... you can still make a casual appointment.
This is not a question of 'oh, why won't he date me', or me feeling rejected, because I don't. I don't know how to phrase it, but he's missing out on something by not hanging out with someone like me. Not that i'm made for him or that it should be or anything. I just think he'd enjoy our company, if we hung out in private. If it was me, even if I didn't want to date the person, i'd still like a chat and a cup of coffee.
And so I get kinda fascinated, not in a crushing-on-him-way. I kind of wish we could hang out, because i'd like to know how he ticks. I can see he's got issues, and I can see some of the things emanating from this, but i'd like to know exactly what's happening in his head, how he regards himself, how he regards others.
I want to understand, so I can improve my general understanding of humans, like a scientific project. I'm not gonna do anything to set up an appointment or anything, that battle's over, and would suck too much energy out of me anyways. I'd just love to get wiser. To know how he thinks. It's interesting.
I have issues myself, and have known a lot of people who's had issues, but not like this. I still come from a fairly safe background, my upbringing's still been pretty normal. It kinda makes me feel like my issues are luxury problems. It's all in my mind, and that can be fixed. You can't rearrange your parents, or your childhood.
Seeing him today made me feel oddly good about myself. Sitting there with good friends, laughing, talking, doing the ping-pong and the teasing. (Mr. Tattoo: "Could you move that chinese screen thing?" Louise: "Chinese, you say .... you know, to me it looks oddly like Japanese art." Mr. Tattoo: "Yeah, whatever! You're always on my back! " *grumble-grin*) 90% of the perception of him is hot and attractive, 10% that he's tired, worn. Laughing, going home, actually being carefree. I'm not alone, not alone as he'll always be somehow.
A friend of mine had a good point. He explained to me that yeah sure, mr. Tattoo is hot and awesome, but i'm even more so. I guess I kinda realized that today. Yes, he's attractive. I'd love him to throw me around. "Come here," whispered hoarsely, pulling me against him. Or the other way around. Beating the crap out of him with a belt, forcing him to lick my boots. But he's also ... one-dimensional. He doesn't budge, he doesn't flex. He knows what he's interested in, and that's fine, but he can't ... really get into other things. He's so steeled. He has to have things explained to him in a certain way, otherwise he won't get it. His temper is short, he has no patience with people. I have this feeling that everything he does is for his own gain solely. There's nothing wrong with that in theory, but I think it gets kinda inhuman, not flexing that every once in a while; doing something nice for others, because you wanna do something nice for others. Example ... I have a suspicion he's giving me a discount because it makes him feel like a nice guy, not because it's doing me a favor.
Another thing is ... I think he wants me at that con to gain recognition for himself, not to give me an experience. Of course, this is putting things at a point, and there's probably also some sort of consideration for me somewhere - it's just not a very big part of that at all. I think he's the kinda guy that would only do exactly the things that he wants to. I can't picture him going out of his way to make other people happy, the way you'd do it for friends or who else might be in need.
Another example: Last time when I was giving him the material for my next tattoo. I had forgotten the sketch of how I figured it should be composed, and drew an extremely quick overview of it on the envelope; it took like five seconds. I told him, "hey, let me just do this really quick, it'll give you an idea of what I picture." Two lines, three circles. Already he was getting impatient, it didn't suit him at all. That was kind of weird. If I had garbled on for ten minutes, i'd understand that he'd need to move on, but this was so fast. He has no margin of tolerance. He's a hard person, and though that's attractive when people appear that way at first glance, it's tiresome to deal with over time. You have to balance that kind of thing with a soft core, or at least soft sides. He lives in a simple world. Sometimes I wish I was ignorant, or just some blonde bimbo whose only ambition was to get a husband and some kids, maybe work in a shop somewhere. But then I think ... oh, how many things i'd miss out on. I think he's missing out, big time.
I feel sorry for him, because there's nowhere to go with him. It's like he's painted himself into a corner, he's missing something, like he's defect ... well, which actually is his own words. I don't think he's miserable. I think his life has certain qualities to it. I guess I just pity him for not being a complete person. What a loss. Sometimes he makes me feel like giving him a hug and telling him everything will be all right, but it'd eat me up. It'd be a black hole to pour a lot of energy and love into, without getting much back.
I really hope he'll be all right someday. That he'll find what he's missing in life, that he'll get to terms with himself. That he'll get that haunted look out of his eyes. That ... he'll mature, put out the flames burning him on the inside. Like Alf. Life's too short for that kind of wearing yourself out.
Well anyway, enough analyzing him. It was good to get tattooed. I really enjoyed the messing with him, the kind of understated flirt. I'll disregard that he's just being professional, treating every customer like that, and believe that he enjoys talking to someone who's not a complete airhead. I loved the conversation I overheard while waiting for him to get ready to take me in. Some guy was showing drawings, and made a comment on how it'd make him happy if mr. Tattoo got a cancellation this evening. Mr. Tattoo grinned and pointed at me and said "no, because i'll be tattooing that sweet one over there." It warmed my greedy little heart.
Or him heading off to buy a sandwich, asking if i'd like a soda or something, and I asked him to bring me a coke, which he did. Believe me, I enjoyed every sip of it. Every drop passing my lips, into my mouth, bubbling on my tongue, cooling my piercings. Licking the sugary feeling off my lips. Every goddam sip. Not the kind of drink i'd want him to buy for me, but it'll do.
You get your kicks, take your trophies and pleasures where you can.
Mocking him for probably not being able to spell something on the tattoo right, and his retort "oh, so you never misspell anything?" Anne and Majken started laughing, and I was just like ... "Well, actually, never." Anne and Majken choiring in: "It's her job." Awesome. Stupid when you retell it, but it was fun. Sitting there wired on sugar and endorphins, slouching in the chair, sipping my precious coke. Like a combination of being drunk and stoned on cigarettes.
We talked a bit about cars, he mentioned the Bedrock hotrod arrangement held every summer, and I put on my poker face, pretending I hadn't heard about it. I think there's a fair possibility i'll bump into him on Sunday, when going to the scrap market with the people from the hotrod forum. If not there, i'll bump into him in some other connection with hotrods.
Stating that my friend Majken was gonna drop by, getting a parental look from him, him saying that I hadn't asked him permission for that. Oh boy, i'd love to see him utilize that in some S&M scenario. Ain't gonna happen, but it's a very nice thought.
Joking with him getting a Ford A, getting into a granny suit.
Noticing him start to kinda dance and sing along to the music, mentioning it, which made him shut up, unfortunately. It was cute.
Asking him what the hell 'stationary stars' are.
Him saying something going off in that usual Mr. Tattoo way, catching himself in the middle of saying something off, then commenting on it himself. "Oh yeah, and now you're gonna say that me looking thoughtful is out of character!" Louise: *spreads hands out* "I'm not saying anything!" Mr. Tattoo: "No, you don't have to." *scowl*
Getting mocked for all sorts of stuff. "Yeah, usually with customers I can draw whatever I feel like. But not with Louise, oh no. She has strict demands." Then that grin. Majken commented that he wouldn't tell me off like that if he didn't like me.
Him threatening to turn the box of chocolates into Merci, or Cheri, with little cherry-filled hearts of crappy quality spilling out.
The whole thing about the shrimp.
I could go on. Or maybe not, these are the highlights that I remember. Anyways... should get to bed, have to get up too soon. Arg.
I can't take you home with me
Too bad cuz it's so hard to be
In love ... with no place to go.
You got no rest
This place is way too cold
Worry about my next fix
Chewing gum, smoking cigarettes
My friends will never understand why I fell for you
Such a pretty mess
Drowning in your sorrow
Outside the club
Such a pretty mess
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Pickin' Oysters
Sep. 20th, 2008 | 04:23 am
My coordinates are: Uføret
Feeling: 
sleepy
Soundtrack: Yazoo - Situation
Every oyster has a vent
And every mollusk shell can break
Shellfish have a squishy core
A soft spot where the life is at
It's just a question of technique
Where to place the tool just right
So scrutinize and twist the knife
Precision, patience, try and try
Maybe there's a pearl in here
Or a delicacy worth all the work
(To have, ingest and take with pleasure)
Something special, precious, neat
There has to be a crack somewhere
A chink to open up this thing
Fingers touching smooth, hard shell
Feeling for weak points and splits
Because every oyster can open up
And every mollusk shell has flaws
Shellfish have their tender parts
To be gotten at, eventually.
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I bin tagged!
Sep. 19th, 2008 | 08:52 pm
My coordinates are: Uføret
Feeling: 
hungry
Soundtrack: Hed Kandi compilation
1. The person who tagged you is?
</a>
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
leechy_girl</span>2. Your relationship with him/her is?
Friend
5. The most memorable thing he/she has said to you is?
Hmm, it's hard to get her to shut up, and usually most of the stuff she says is either good or funny. Let's see. "OBODOBO!" is a classic. I recall her once saying that I had a pretty good talent for drawing. That was really cool, since she's so good herself. ^^ *wallowing in ego*
6. If he/she becomes your lover, you will?
Be asking questions about how I thought she'd gone hetero.
7. If he/she became your lover, what should he/she improve at?
Give a little space to give me a chance to say something. :)
8. If he/she becomes your enemy, what would you do?
Run and hide! Nah. I'd probably try to figure out why. She's a diplomatic person, it should be possible to talk with her and work something out.
9. If he/she became your enemy, the reason will be?
Urmmm. Because she'll think i'm a bad person because of something i've done.
10. The most desired thing you want to do for him/her now is?
Make her a drawing.
11. Your overall impression of him/her is?
Very beautiful, very sharp. Fuck, she's fast in her head. Very creative, and good at what she does. She's also pretty dominant, and can be a bit overpowering/intimidating. She's one of the most awesome persons i've ever met, and one of the few i've actually wanted to be. :)
11. Your overall impression of him/her is?
Very beautiful, very sharp. Fuck, she's fast in her head. Very creative, and good at what she does. She's also pretty dominant, and can be a bit overpowering/intimidating. She's one of the most awesome persons i've ever met, and one of the few i've actually wanted to be. :)
12. How do you think people around you will feel about you?
Will feel about me about what? If we dated, or just in general how people feel about me?
The first thing - I think people would be surprised, but think it was pretty cool and good for both of us. XF
Second thing - Hmmm. I like to believe that people think i'm cool and a good person.
13. The characteristic you love most about yourself is?
14. On the contrary, the characteristic you hate most about yourself is?
I hate when I underestimate myself. I sometimes have this sneaking suspicion that i'm a fat, unattractive loser geek. I have a hard time shaking that. I isolate myself and am not that good at making right decisions for myself. I'm naive and have a hard time facing certain facts. I am megalomanic and have confidence issues at the same time.
15. The most ideal person you want to be is?
I want Tennas punch of impression and mr. Tattoos shine and uncompromising self-reliance.
16. For people that care & like you, say something to them.
I am so extremely happy and glad that I have you. I know i'm a fuckup sometimes, but don't worry, i'm not gonna hurt myself. I wish I had more time to spend with you.
Let's see.
1. Christy/HarlowKitty
2. Frost
3. Eva
4. Eri
5. Anja
6. Kenneth
7. Keon
8. Nanna
9. Stuart
10. Sara (is that with or without an H?)
18. Who is no.6 having a relationship with?
Noone, I think?
19. Is no.9 a male or a female?
Male, I certainly hope. XD
20. If no.7 and no.10 are together would it be a good thing?
Ha! I think it probably was a good thing.
21. What is no.2 studying about?
Probably being the best at everything. Oh, and some IT stuff as well.
22. When was the last time you had a chat with no.3?
22. When was the last time you had a chat with no.3?
Too long ago. :) In the weekend I think? Saturday.
23. What kind of music band does no.8 like?
She likes those cabaret people, and all sorts of cool stuff. I think some industrial, and Garbage.
23. What kind of music band does no.8 like?
She likes those cabaret people, and all sorts of cool stuff. I think some industrial, and Garbage.
24. Does no.1 have any siblings?
There's been mention of an older brother?
25. Will you woo no.3?
Ha! Only in order for us to freak people out.
26. How about no.7?
Keon's cool, but .... nah. Too complicated with dating one of my best friends and such.
26. How about no.7?
Keon's cool, but .... nah. Too complicated with dating one of my best friends and such.
27. Is no.4 single?
I think so, yes.
28. What is the surname of no.5?
Rendbæk.
29. What is the hobby of no.10?
Drawing.
30. Does no.5 and 9 get along well?
I'm not sure they've ever met, but I think they'd get along very well.
31. Where is no.6 studying at?
He's working with Maersk.
I'm not sure they've ever met, but I think they'd get along very well.
31. Where is no.6 studying at?
He's working with Maersk.
32. Talk something casual about no.1.
She's into rockabilly, and likes hot rods.
33. Have you tried developing feelings with no.6?
None other than friendly.
34. Where does no.9 live at?
Valby. Or is it Sydhavn? Nah, think it's Valby. Copenhagen!
She's into rockabilly, and likes hot rods.
33. Have you tried developing feelings with no.6?
None other than friendly.
34. Where does no.9 live at?
Valby. Or is it Sydhavn? Nah, think it's Valby. Copenhagen!
35. What colour does no.4 like?
Errrmmmshit. Black and pink?
36. Are no.1 and 5 best friends?
No sir. They're unaware of each other's existence. :)
37. Does no.1 have any pets?
I think she has cats, but I could very well be wrong.
38. Is no.7 the sexiest person alive?
No, that would be Mike Ness. XD
38. Is no.7 the sexiest person alive?
No, that would be Mike Ness. XD
39. What is no.6 doing now?
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Nothing's gonna ruin my holiday
Sep. 15th, 2008 | 09:35 pm
My coordinates are: Uføret
Feeling: tired
Soundtrack: Dandy Warhols - I Am Over It
I'm considering celebrating Christmas someplace else than with my family, since i'm not really that fond of noisy kids. Harsh, but true.
So i'm considering one of two things:
1. Christmas with my friends! :D Who'd be into that? I know a lot of people are gonna be traditional and celebrate with their parents (understandable, especially considering very few of them have nieces and nephews XD). We could move my couch and put a Christmas tree in the middle of everything. It'd be fun.
2. Leeching onto someone's Christmas. Who'd take in a poor, shabby Christmasless girl? *puppy eyes*
So i'm considering one of two things:
1. Christmas with my friends! :D Who'd be into that? I know a lot of people are gonna be traditional and celebrate with their parents (understandable, especially considering very few of them have nieces and nephews XD). We could move my couch and put a Christmas tree in the middle of everything. It'd be fun.
2. Leeching onto someone's Christmas. Who'd take in a poor, shabby Christmasless girl? *puppy eyes*
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Crisis averted
Sep. 14th, 2008 | 05:13 am
My coordinates are: Uføret
Feeling: relieved
Soundtrack: Common Rider - On Broadway
I found it.
I found that goddam hugeass spider that managed to escape from its cage sometime earlier this week.
I was heading to bed, looking through my covers, to check there weren't any spiders. Then I couldn't find the book I wanted to read, and figured it had probably fallen behind the bed. When I looked down the side of the bed towards the window, I saw this icky, eight-legged creature crouched next to it in the corner. HA!
Of course, it was in the middle of the fucking night, and who do you call? Well, Anja didn't pick up, and I got hold of Marie, who said that Anja wasn't home. So I hung up, and tried to decide what to do next.
Pick it up? No fucking way.
Squash it? Too icky. And messy. There must be another solution.
Get some sorta box on top of it, and get Anja to fish it out in the morning? A solution, but I was afraid that when I moved the bed, the thing would move somewhere else (or crawl on me ...ewww), and to be honest, i'd rather not have my hands anywhere near the critter.
So who you gonna call?
Tom. He's had spiders before, and could probably give me some advice.
Turned out he was in town with his sister and not sleeping as I would have expected. He said he'd come over right away, probably an attempt at impressing me, and feeling manly, rescuing the damsel in distress from the big evil spider. So he and his sister arrived in a cab half an hour later, and he easily picked it up and put it back in the cage. Which then was sealed with loads of tape by yours truly.
They stayed for a while, his sister falling asleep on the couch, and Tom and I talking hot rods and dolls (strange combination, but fun). He's been telling me a lot that he really likes me and think i'm hot, and he kinda started fishing for whether I had a boyfriend. He's like fifty years old and is missing a couple of teeth. So I told him what my sister had said already, that I was only into girls. A lie I know, but I really needed to get off the hook, and though he's really nice and cool, I think if there was any chance I would be into him (that is, guys), he'd just keep on hitting on me, and I can't handle that. Like ... I kinda get the vibe that he's hard to put off. Anyway, he seemed to accept that I didn't like guys, so that's cool.
Complications might arise when we're at some hot rod meetup, and I flirt with some hot rockabilly guy. Well, i'll burn that bridge when I get to it. ^^
Anyway.
The damn spider is found, and i'm very happy about that. One thing is it crept me out knowing it was here somewhere, and that 1. i'd be really hard to find and 2. it can live for a loooong time. Another thing is that I know a lot of people would be really uncomfortable visiting me, knowing there's some huge spider loose. I don't want my apartment to be this quarantine zone. The third thing is that if it had crawled off to some corner and died, it'd either maybe start smelling weird, or suddenly i'd come across this icky spider carcass when looking for doll items or my pencil.
So now I can rest easily. I feel very relieved, and i'm really happy that Tom came and fixed the situation for me. Thank gods. The property value of my apartment has just increased again.
The whole situation made me feel very ... feminine. I wish there had been some hot guy I could have called, who'd come and put the spider back in the place, and then I could be eternally grateful and pay for the favor in kind. :3 Oh well. I'll write about that instead.
Louise: *wearing nothing but black satin night gown, entering the bedroom again. Has been hiding behind door frame* "Oh, Mike! I'm so grateful you could help me!" *wrings hands*
Mike Ness: "Anytime, babe..." *runs hand through hair, ruffled up from diving behind the bed*
Louise: "I wish there was something I could do in return..."
Mike Ness: "Well, maybe there is ..." *grins and steps closer*
Er. Think i'm heading to bed now. :3
I found that goddam hugeass spider that managed to escape from its cage sometime earlier this week.
I was heading to bed, looking through my covers, to check there weren't any spiders. Then I couldn't find the book I wanted to read, and figured it had probably fallen behind the bed. When I looked down the side of the bed towards the window, I saw this icky, eight-legged creature crouched next to it in the corner. HA!
Of course, it was in the middle of the fucking night, and who do you call? Well, Anja didn't pick up, and I got hold of Marie, who said that Anja wasn't home. So I hung up, and tried to decide what to do next.
Pick it up? No fucking way.
Squash it? Too icky. And messy. There must be another solution.
Get some sorta box on top of it, and get Anja to fish it out in the morning? A solution, but I was afraid that when I moved the bed, the thing would move somewhere else (or crawl on me ...ewww), and to be honest, i'd rather not have my hands anywhere near the critter.
So who you gonna call?
Tom. He's had spiders before, and could probably give me some advice.
Turned out he was in town with his sister and not sleeping as I would have expected. He said he'd come over right away, probably an attempt at impressing me, and feeling manly, rescuing the damsel in distress from the big evil spider. So he and his sister arrived in a cab half an hour later, and he easily picked it up and put it back in the cage. Which then was sealed with loads of tape by yours truly.
They stayed for a while, his sister falling asleep on the couch, and Tom and I talking hot rods and dolls (strange combination, but fun). He's been telling me a lot that he really likes me and think i'm hot, and he kinda started fishing for whether I had a boyfriend. He's like fifty years old and is missing a couple of teeth. So I told him what my sister had said already, that I was only into girls. A lie I know, but I really needed to get off the hook, and though he's really nice and cool, I think if there was any chance I would be into him (that is, guys), he'd just keep on hitting on me, and I can't handle that. Like ... I kinda get the vibe that he's hard to put off. Anyway, he seemed to accept that I didn't like guys, so that's cool.
Complications might arise when we're at some hot rod meetup, and I flirt with some hot rockabilly guy. Well, i'll burn that bridge when I get to it. ^^
Anyway.
The damn spider is found, and i'm very happy about that. One thing is it crept me out knowing it was here somewhere, and that 1. i'd be really hard to find and 2. it can live for a loooong time. Another thing is that I know a lot of people would be really uncomfortable visiting me, knowing there's some huge spider loose. I don't want my apartment to be this quarantine zone. The third thing is that if it had crawled off to some corner and died, it'd either maybe start smelling weird, or suddenly i'd come across this icky spider carcass when looking for doll items or my pencil.
So now I can rest easily. I feel very relieved, and i'm really happy that Tom came and fixed the situation for me. Thank gods. The property value of my apartment has just increased again.
The whole situation made me feel very ... feminine. I wish there had been some hot guy I could have called, who'd come and put the spider back in the place, and then I could be eternally grateful and pay for the favor in kind. :3 Oh well. I'll write about that instead.
Louise: *wearing nothing but black satin night gown, entering the bedroom again. Has been hiding behind door frame* "Oh, Mike! I'm so grateful you could help me!" *wrings hands*
Mike Ness: "Anytime, babe..." *runs hand through hair, ruffled up from diving behind the bed*
Louise: "I wish there was something I could do in return..."
Mike Ness: "Well, maybe there is ..." *grins and steps closer*
Er. Think i'm heading to bed now. :3
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I got a hot rod car and a two-dollar bill...
Sep. 11th, 2008 | 10:04 pm
My coordinates are: Uføret
Feeling: 
accomplished
Soundtrack: Streetwalkin Cheetas - Slow Death
I bin hotroddin'!
I'm pretty tired, and should be in bed in five minutes, so this is gonna be really fast. Hung out with Tom today, really cool guy, promised to teach me about hot rods, and is on about taking some pics, both dolls and with yours truly.
Anyway, off to bed! If I get the time, i'll make a longer update tomorrow.
I'm pretty tired, and should be in bed in five minutes, so this is gonna be really fast. Hung out with Tom today, really cool guy, promised to teach me about hot rods, and is on about taking some pics, both dolls and with yours truly.
Anyway, off to bed! If I get the time, i'll make a longer update tomorrow.
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Beastly Bit
Sep. 8th, 2008 | 04:13 pm
My coordinates are: Weidekampsgade
Feeling: 
stressed
Soundtrack: Teddybears STHLM - Yours To Keep
Goddam, I feel stressed out.
I've caught up on work today, but i'm not really stressing over that - pretty funny, usually people connect stress with work and assignments and such. I just feel like i'm drowning in projects and all sorts of stuff I want to and need to do.
My hobbies become duties, it sucks. I know too many wonderful people to see them all.
In other words, i'm drowning in stuff to do and have too little time, and I need to revise my life and gear down a bit. Stop being overly ambitious on my own behalf, stop feeling like I have to work on all sorts of projects whenever I have a spare moment, and just do some relaxing ... Allow myself to do that. It won't make me a worse person. I'm tired of running and trying to keep up.
So. Energy's running kinda low. If I don't reply to texts, don't get in touch or seem slow to communicate, it's not because I don't like you, or are mad at you or whatever. I just simply can't handle everything at the moment.
So .. you're all in my thoughts, and I promise i'll get back to you, once I have my head over water again. :)
Love you all.
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Into the supermassive
Sep. 3rd, 2008 | 05:58 pm
My coordinates are: Uføret
Feeling: 
Sleazy
Soundtrack: Grateful Dead - Scarlet Begonias
Six pm, home for a quick spell from work. I'm doing major overtime today; there's this proposal (300+ pages) that needs to be proofread by tomorrow morning. Guess who's the girl on the assignment? Anyway, it's quite cosy. I've been sitting in a room for myself today, listening to music, proofreading and texting and surfing with people. The manager responsible for the proposal is having a pretty bad conscience over dumping all the work on me, but i'm all right with it. I saw it coming, and knew i'd be doing a lot of overtime today (I expect to stop at 11 pm
or when i'm too worn out), and have prepared myself for it. Gonna go back in a bit once my mp3's recharged (at least somewhat), and then i'll order myself some food. Yum! :3
I'm busy as hell these days. I manage to see a lot of people, then there's been creative projects and doll meetup this weekend, and i've taken a lot of pics of my dolls.
Yesterday I was at this intro course at work, it was pretty nice. Pretty boring sometimes, but nice nonetheless. Good food, and lunch at Radisson, yum! :D "More pie, you say? Sure! Bring it on!" Mmm. We played this kinda ethical roleplaything in order to make all the new people get to know each others (we were about a hundred), the objective was slightly confusing, but it was fairly fun nonetheless.
Went to get tattooed straight after work, and it was ... aw man, it's bliss. It's S & M. On all levels. I'm pretty sure he doesn't perceive it like that, but i'm getting one hell of a kick out of it.
First off, there's the physical kick of it. What's S&M? Interaction involving pain between two consenting adults. What is getting tattooed? Um, interaction involving pain between two consenting adults (and I gladly pay for it ... except yesterday was free of charge :3). Or in other words: I put up with this really hot and attractive guy causing me delicious pain for an aesthetic reason. Endorphins, willing mutilation, the intimacy of the situation ... ooh, the goodness.
Secondly, there's the mental part of it. He's not that stupid. Or well, he's pretty bright, and he can stand his ground and take no shit. As mentioned (probably several times) in other posts, I like to fuck with him (not that way. Er. You know.); I take it as a challenge to bullshit [with] him, and he returns it. I'll threaten him with taking a sledge hammer to his car, he'll threaten to put his people on my case if I do so. Oh, and more S&M: I had made some cheeky comment, and he put the needle to my skin, muttering "Okay, i'm gonna tattoo you right here and hope it really hurts" *smile*.
I love it.
I feel like i'm going to some club to get my needs stilled; to get my kick.
I feel good about it. It's a goddam fucking shame he's messed up, because it could have been really good. But I don't need an Alf mark II. I like knowing that i'll get tattooed there for the next very long while (with aaalll my projects), and that's enough for me. I get my strange kicks. And nothing/noone can take that away from me.
The only thing I hope is that he enjoys our conversations as well. That he doesn't think i'm an idiot, that he's amused. That he's ... trusting me, or has some sort of relation to me. Like you have with a good colleague.
The owner of the parlor and him were discussing hanging out in the weekend, and he didn't sound as hung up with spare time as i've gotten the impression. I got to kinda worry whether his whole "I have trouble bonding with people due to a hard upbringing bla bla bla" is just fake; a white lie as a nice way of rejecting me. We had a conversation on honesty, and he said that he sometimes uses white lies; that little lies are okay if they don't harm people. Diplomacy.
I don't know. It was pretty obvious that I was pretty into him (and still is, in some way), and it was a clean getaway, without having to tell me I was unattractive or whatever. Hell, I think i'd easily do the same thing in a similar situation. Either way, the result is the same - no dating, and no hanging out. I think i'd rather be let down easily.
On the other hand. If he slipped me a white lie, I feel kinda stupid. I pride myself on having a pretty good idea of how and why people say things, and the intentions behind, as well as when they're faking; when something's out of tune. If I didn't catch such an obvious thing, i'm nowhere near as good at decoding people as I like to think I am. And if he's slipped me that lie, it means he's putting a lot more distance between us than I expect him to. I believe(d) that he's an honest person and a pretty upright guy, and I feel ... bad about in that case being an irritating person you need to get off your back. I don't really expect much of him, other than nice tattoos and being straight with me.
Well, then. Judging from hanging out. We can't talk that much without him at least thinking i'm a good person. Everytime I go down there I plan on kinda ignoring him and being cool, and we always end up discussing all sorts of stuff. I don't think that'd happen if he thought I was a complete idiot, and I don't think he can keep that professional facade up for that long. Or maybe he's just really good; outsmarting me on that account, delivering good service with no sincerity in it.
I don't know. I choose to believe that he's been honest. That he has a hard time relating to people/making friends, because, well, he's a fuckup. I also choose to believe that he tries to stick to his ethics of not mixing work and private life. That's fair enough. I also believe I haven't done anything to embarrass myself. Of course, if he has the least sense of observation, he'll notice the way I look at him, the slight tinge in my voice of ... well, you know how you sound when you talk to people you really like. But it's minor things. I think it's something that tips him off into thinking i'm attracted, but i'm not making any more offers, and i'm not sighing and gazing dreamily at him. I keep my cool as well as I can. That ... shouldn't be annoying.
Anyway, the tattoo's becoming a real beauty. I got it free of charge this time, and next time we'll be doing an extended session, so it can be pimped up, with all sorts of cool details, graded background and such. He's giving me a pretty good discount (this time free, next time standard price though we'll probably be working for three or four hours), because i've promised to go to the tattoo con in Malmö in the middle of October. Thought it was November, but he remembered wrong.
It'll be fun. I hope.
....
So, this turned out to be yet another rant on mr. Tattoo. Well, suffice to say it's a positive thing for me, I like this addition to my life, I don't feel miserable. I'm just very fascinated (again, back to the S&M thing). I like this fluffy feeling I get for him, also because I know exactly where the line is drawn. I like the feeling of being in love itself, it makes me feel so alive. In this case, I don't really care that it's unrequited, because, well, that's just not possible, and a bad idea to boot. I'm also fascinated of ... well, being so fascinated by a person. Not that he's flawless (not at all), but that ... wow, there are people out there that are really interesting. It boots my dating integrity.
I think what i'm grasping at is that i'm just glad to see I can still be in love with people. Apparently i'm not that jaded after all. That's goo
Anyway. Better get back to work. And food!
or when i'm too worn out), and have prepared myself for it. Gonna go back in a bit once my mp3's recharged (at least somewhat), and then i'll order myself some food. Yum! :3
I'm busy as hell these days. I manage to see a lot of people, then there's been creative projects and doll meetup this weekend, and i've taken a lot of pics of my dolls.
Yesterday I was at this intro course at work, it was pretty nice. Pretty boring sometimes, but nice nonetheless. Good food, and lunch at Radisson, yum! :D "More pie, you say? Sure! Bring it on!" Mmm. We played this kinda ethical roleplaything in order to make all the new people get to know each others (we were about a hundred), the objective was slightly confusing, but it was fairly fun nonetheless.
Went to get tattooed straight after work, and it was ... aw man, it's bliss. It's S & M. On all levels. I'm pretty sure he doesn't perceive it like that, but i'm getting one hell of a kick out of it.
First off, there's the physical kick of it. What's S&M? Interaction involving pain between two consenting adults. What is getting tattooed? Um, interaction involving pain between two consenting adults (and I gladly pay for it ... except yesterday was free of charge :3). Or in other words: I put up with this really hot and attractive guy causing me delicious pain for an aesthetic reason. Endorphins, willing mutilation, the intimacy of the situation ... ooh, the goodness.
Secondly, there's the mental part of it. He's not that stupid. Or well, he's pretty bright, and he can stand his ground and take no shit. As mentioned (probably several times) in other posts, I like to fuck with him (not that way. Er. You know.); I take it as a challenge to bullshit [with] him, and he returns it. I'll threaten him with taking a sledge hammer to his car, he'll threaten to put his people on my case if I do so. Oh, and more S&M: I had made some cheeky comment, and he put the needle to my skin, muttering "Okay, i'm gonna tattoo you right here and hope it really hurts" *smile*.
I love it.
I feel like i'm going to some club to get my needs stilled; to get my kick.
I feel good about it. It's a goddam fucking shame he's messed up, because it could have been really good. But I don't need an Alf mark II. I like knowing that i'll get tattooed there for the next very long while (with aaalll my projects), and that's enough for me. I get my strange kicks. And nothing/noone can take that away from me.
The only thing I hope is that he enjoys our conversations as well. That he doesn't think i'm an idiot, that he's amused. That he's ... trusting me, or has some sort of relation to me. Like you have with a good colleague.
The owner of the parlor and him were discussing hanging out in the weekend, and he didn't sound as hung up with spare time as i've gotten the impression. I got to kinda worry whether his whole "I have trouble bonding with people due to a hard upbringing bla bla bla" is just fake; a white lie as a nice way of rejecting me. We had a conversation on honesty, and he said that he sometimes uses white lies; that little lies are okay if they don't harm people. Diplomacy.
I don't know. It was pretty obvious that I was pretty into him (and still is, in some way), and it was a clean getaway, without having to tell me I was unattractive or whatever. Hell, I think i'd easily do the same thing in a similar situation. Either way, the result is the same - no dating, and no hanging out. I think i'd rather be let down easily.
On the other hand. If he slipped me a white lie, I feel kinda stupid. I pride myself on having a pretty good idea of how and why people say things, and the intentions behind, as well as when they're faking; when something's out of tune. If I didn't catch such an obvious thing, i'm nowhere near as good at decoding people as I like to think I am. And if he's slipped me that lie, it means he's putting a lot more distance between us than I expect him to. I believe(d) that he's an honest person and a pretty upright guy, and I feel ... bad about in that case being an irritating person you need to get off your back. I don't really expect much of him, other than nice tattoos and being straight with me.
Well, then. Judging from hanging out. We can't talk that much without him at least thinking i'm a good person. Everytime I go down there I plan on kinda ignoring him and being cool, and we always end up discussing all sorts of stuff. I don't think that'd happen if he thought I was a complete idiot, and I don't think he can keep that professional facade up for that long. Or maybe he's just really good; outsmarting me on that account, delivering good service with no sincerity in it.
I don't know. I choose to believe that he's been honest. That he has a hard time relating to people/making friends, because, well, he's a fuckup. I also choose to believe that he tries to stick to his ethics of not mixing work and private life. That's fair enough. I also believe I haven't done anything to embarrass myself. Of course, if he has the least sense of observation, he'll notice the way I look at him, the slight tinge in my voice of ... well, you know how you sound when you talk to people you really like. But it's minor things. I think it's something that tips him off into thinking i'm attracted, but i'm not making any more offers, and i'm not sighing and gazing dreamily at him. I keep my cool as well as I can. That ... shouldn't be annoying.
Anyway, the tattoo's becoming a real beauty. I got it free of charge this time, and next time we'll be doing an extended session, so it can be pimped up, with all sorts of cool details, graded background and such. He's giving me a pretty good discount (this time free, next time standard price though we'll probably be working for three or four hours), because i've promised to go to the tattoo con in Malmö in the middle of October. Thought it was November, but he remembered wrong.
It'll be fun. I hope.
....
So, this turned out to be yet another rant on mr. Tattoo. Well, suffice to say it's a positive thing for me, I like this addition to my life, I don't feel miserable. I'm just very fascinated (again, back to the S&M thing). I like this fluffy feeling I get for him, also because I know exactly where the line is drawn. I like the feeling of being in love itself, it makes me feel so alive. In this case, I don't really care that it's unrequited, because, well, that's just not possible, and a bad idea to boot. I'm also fascinated of ... well, being so fascinated by a person. Not that he's flawless (not at all), but that ... wow, there are people out there that are really interesting. It boots my dating integrity.
I think what i'm grasping at is that i'm just glad to see I can still be in love with people. Apparently i'm not that jaded after all. That's goo
Anyway. Better get back to work. And food!
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The Cat Behind the Moon
Aug. 21st, 2008 | 09:30 pm
My coordinates are: Uføret
Feeling: 
sad
Soundtrack: Bleeder
So the day arrived where it was time to take Lillemis to the vet and put an end to her misery. Some might say it'll bring me bad karma and that i'm just making bad excuses, but I didn't take her myself. She needed to get out of this world now, and it wasn't possible for myself to go. My parents went and picked her up, got her to the vet, and did ... the thing.
So this one's for Lillemis.
I hope you're at a nice place in the skies, or whatever netherworld you're going to. I hope you have lots of nice food, mice to ignore and carpets to hairball on. I hope there's some expensive rug you can sharpen your claws on, and some other cats you can beat up. I hope there's a nice patch of garden you can doze off in, laying in the sun under an apple tree. I hope there's someone to pet you and whose fingers you can nibble on.
I remember working as a joiner, you following me from the pile of wood to the workshop. I remember how shy you were when at first I stole you away from my brother, and how comfortable you got in my home soon after, expecting food at five in the morning. I'll always remember that stunt in the morning where you'd:
1. Sit right next to my head and purr ominously and glare with your big yellow eyes
And if that didn't wake me up,
2. Look for body parts sticking out from under the covers to gnaw on
And if that didn't wake me up,
3. crash things down from my night stand
And if that didn't wake me up,
4. Mrowl at me, and when that didn't work,
5. you'd use your claws on the glass of the terrace door, such annoying a sound i'd get up and let you out into the kitchen and close the door, so you would leave me alone until at least seven.
6. Unfortunately that always coincided with my roommate getting up, letting you out, so you could run all the way around the house and do the door-claw-thing - only this time from the outside.
7. I'd then get up, let you out into the kitchen/hallway again, go back to bed, and repeat step six, until I finally surrendered and fed you.
I remember you hanging around my living quarters, looking pissy and scowling at visitors - not that it'd stop you from the occasional petting. I also recall your affection for oblong objects and strings used as toys (while the bellballs got ignored), probably a side effect from growing up in an office with people waving pens in front of little black kittens.
I remember you getting into bed with me in the evening, cuddling up in the hollows of my knees. I also remember you dozing in the exact middle of my carpet, when you didn't choose to place yourself on my newly acquired pile of horror manga.
My friends and I used to crack jokes about you looking like a teapot or a rococo dresser, and renaming you to all sorts of names and words rhyming with Lillemis ... Iglemis, Kuglemis, Lillegris, and so forth.
I want to say i'm sorry for moving you to the apartment, I know you weren't too happy about that - particularly not the transportation here. I'm also sorry it took so long for me to get you to the vet, and i'm sorry I didn't go myself. I guess I said my goodbyes mentally a long time ago. I knew you were coming to your end when you got skinny; Lillemisses are supposed to be round, not all haggard.
I thought you were beautiful. You were a good cat, and a tough old lady. You had attitude and took no shit, and wanted your meals as goddam often as possible. I'm glad you wanted to stay around. I've been very happy for your company, and it's sad to part, though it is the right thing.
So rest in peace. You've been buried next to your uncle Mickey, and Netto and Leo attended your funeral.
Thank you.
I'll miss you.
So this one's for Lillemis.
I hope you're at a nice place in the skies, or whatever netherworld you're going to. I hope you have lots of nice food, mice to ignore and carpets to hairball on. I hope there's some expensive rug you can sharpen your claws on, and some other cats you can beat up. I hope there's a nice patch of garden you can doze off in, laying in the sun under an apple tree. I hope there's someone to pet you and whose fingers you can nibble on.
I remember working as a joiner, you following me from the pile of wood to the workshop. I remember how shy you were when at first I stole you away from my brother, and how comfortable you got in my home soon after, expecting food at five in the morning. I'll always remember that stunt in the morning where you'd:
1. Sit right next to my head and purr ominously and glare with your big yellow eyes
And if that didn't wake me up,
2. Look for body parts sticking out from under the covers to gnaw on
And if that didn't wake me up,
3. crash things down from my night stand
And if that didn't wake me up,
4. Mrowl at me, and when that didn't work,
5. you'd use your claws on the glass of the terrace door, such annoying a sound i'd get up and let you out into the kitchen and close the door, so you would leave me alone until at least seven.
6. Unfortunately that always coincided with my roommate getting up, letting you out, so you could run all the way around the house and do the door-claw-thing - only this time from the outside.
7. I'd then get up, let you out into the kitchen/hallway again, go back to bed, and repeat step six, until I finally surrendered and fed you.
I remember you hanging around my living quarters, looking pissy and scowling at visitors - not that it'd stop you from the occasional petting. I also recall your affection for oblong objects and strings used as toys (while the bellballs got ignored), probably a side effect from growing up in an office with people waving pens in front of little black kittens.
I remember you getting into bed with me in the evening, cuddling up in the hollows of my knees. I also remember you dozing in the exact middle of my carpet, when you didn't choose to place yourself on my newly acquired pile of horror manga.
My friends and I used to crack jokes about you looking like a teapot or a rococo dresser, and renaming you to all sorts of names and words rhyming with Lillemis ... Iglemis, Kuglemis, Lillegris, and so forth.
I want to say i'm sorry for moving you to the apartment, I know you weren't too happy about that - particularly not the transportation here. I'm also sorry it took so long for me to get you to the vet, and i'm sorry I didn't go myself. I guess I said my goodbyes mentally a long time ago. I knew you were coming to your end when you got skinny; Lillemisses are supposed to be round, not all haggard.
I thought you were beautiful. You were a good cat, and a tough old lady. You had attitude and took no shit, and wanted your meals as goddam often as possible. I'm glad you wanted to stay around. I've been very happy for your company, and it's sad to part, though it is the right thing.
So rest in peace. You've been buried next to your uncle Mickey, and Netto and Leo attended your funeral.
Thank you.
I'll miss you.
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So I took myself down to the tally-ho tavern...
Aug. 9th, 2008 | 03:14 am
My coordinates are: Uføret
Feeling: amused
Soundtrack: Kris Kristofferson - The Silver Tongued Devil
Hit town tonight, optimistic about finally going out, it has been quite a while. Got home from work, took a nap, felt pretty pep, then mellowed out. I was ready to go around seven, and then I went bleak a little; feeling out of tune and feeling like a hag not fitting into the night life. However, when I left, I felt happy, and ready for the adventures that the night would surely bring.
Went to Vesterbro to find a bar, and we were three places, none of them working out. We also walked around Kødbyen, there seemed to be some pretty cool places, but either they were a bit too fancy, or else they were crowded, or bad places to sit or stuff like that. Ended up drinking a strawberry daiquiri at this fairly fancy cafe/bar place with sucky people, texted a little with that damn mr. tattoo, since we couldn't find the place he had been telling about. He replied, and this strange conversation ensued. He was helpful but also a little patronizing, or well, I can't figure out if he actually meant well, or if he was being sarcastic. He gave me the address and some info on the place he'd recommended, and when I asked where I could find a pool table, he was like "well, they're all over Copenhagen, you just need to get out your door." I wrote back something along the lines of being way ahead of him on that topic, and he answered something like "well, that's the first step towards success." I really can't tell if he was being an asshole or actually didn't mean anything by it. I'm starting to think ... maybe he's right that he's an asshole. Either that, or insert emphatic theory on how he's having a hard time bonding with people and trying to push them away, but that's just ... gah. The simplest explanation is often the correct one. The bastard. Nice tattoo work, though.
So anyway. We ended up at some Irish bar, and that's when the fun started rolling. The place was kinda empty, but there were these young guys talking to us, convinced we were Americans. It was brilliant, so we shot some bull with them for a while. Then we went to Englandshus to play pool and drink some more, hooked up with some guys (one kindergarten employee and two guys very enthusiastic about tattoos; my Lude tattoo and their Samoan tattoos (so that's what they look like)), and when Englandshus closed, they asked if we wanted to come along to this other place. Ended up at place number five or so, drinking beer and bumming smokes. Headed home, satisfied with an entertaining evening.
So I didn't get laid, and I didn't go to any places right up my alley, but it was fun in the unexpected places, and I was entertained. It was nice to get out, get drunk, talk shit and talk to strangers, not to mention talking shit to strangers. It was also nice getting .... appreciated for my looks, and being told that I had the coolest tattoo ever seen on a girl. :D I've really needed to go out and socialize.
I guess i'll work my way up to being active on going out again, getting to know some good places, and where to find cool people.
Went to Vesterbro to find a bar, and we were three places, none of them working out. We also walked around Kødbyen, there seemed to be some pretty cool places, but either they were a bit too fancy, or else they were crowded, or bad places to sit or stuff like that. Ended up drinking a strawberry daiquiri at this fairly fancy cafe/bar place with sucky people, texted a little with that damn mr. tattoo, since we couldn't find the place he had been telling about. He replied, and this strange conversation ensued. He was helpful but also a little patronizing, or well, I can't figure out if he actually meant well, or if he was being sarcastic. He gave me the address and some info on the place he'd recommended, and when I asked where I could find a pool table, he was like "well, they're all over Copenhagen, you just need to get out your door." I wrote back something along the lines of being way ahead of him on that topic, and he answered something like "well, that's the first step towards success." I really can't tell if he was being an asshole or actually didn't mean anything by it. I'm starting to think ... maybe he's right that he's an asshole. Either that, or insert emphatic theory on how he's having a hard time bonding with people and trying to push them away, but that's just ... gah. The simplest explanation is often the correct one. The bastard. Nice tattoo work, though.
So anyway. We ended up at some Irish bar, and that's when the fun started rolling. The place was kinda empty, but there were these young guys talking to us, convinced we were Americans. It was brilliant, so we shot some bull with them for a while. Then we went to Englandshus to play pool and drink some more, hooked up with some guys (one kindergarten employee and two guys very enthusiastic about tattoos; my Lude tattoo and their Samoan tattoos (so that's what they look like)), and when Englandshus closed, they asked if we wanted to come along to this other place. Ended up at place number five or so, drinking beer and bumming smokes. Headed home, satisfied with an entertaining evening.
So I didn't get laid, and I didn't go to any places right up my alley, but it was fun in the unexpected places, and I was entertained. It was nice to get out, get drunk, talk shit and talk to strangers, not to mention talking shit to strangers. It was also nice getting .... appreciated for my looks, and being told that I had the coolest tattoo ever seen on a girl. :D I've really needed to go out and socialize.
I guess i'll work my way up to being active on going out again, getting to know some good places, and where to find cool people.
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Say chatterbox, don't give me no lip...
Aug. 4th, 2008 | 08:34 pm
My coordinates are: Uføret
Feeling: peaceful
Soundtrack: New York Dolls - Chatterbox
Well, i'm home. And lived to tell the tale. I didn't die from an aching heart or anything.
It was kinda pleasant, we still talk pretty well. And it was kinda nice not feeling all on the go, knowing i'm going to ask him something important and sensitive, it was more relaxed. I am tempted to say resigned, but that has such a negative edge. I think i'm finding a good platform with him. Lucif had a good point, "you don't need another Alf".
We discussed other designs, and there was none of them that he rejected, so that's good. I'm still considering finding an alternative artist, perhaps for the Luftwaffe insignia, because it's a simple design that doesn't demand any special abilities. Hmm, I dunno. I'm thinking about the Christianshavn guy, but I still don't think he's optimal, and i'd like to do something kinda clever with the insignia.
So anyway, gods this tattoo is taking forever. We have one more round to go, oh and then a couple of touchup sessions. When we're done, it'll have taken eight months or so. :/ Upside is that he's giving me a pretty good price on it. We've filled out the background and the wings and shirt (hurt like motherfucking hell ... and looked kinda odd. Louise: "So, how does white function on skin?" Mr. Tattoo: "It won't get paper white. It'll be like ... a miscoloration of your skin." Louise: "Oh, great..."), and he wanted to retouch at the next session, and is going to throw in some shading and structure as well. Touchup sessions are free, so that's really awesome. He was all like "Then we could do some shading and stuff as well. It's a touchup session, but what the fuck, it'll be free anyways." So next time I won't have to shell over any bucks. ^^ IH Mars, here I come! :D Then there's a regular session, where we're gonna do ... I don't know, detail work I guess, and then a final touchup.
Oh yeah, and:
Louise: "Goddam, this tattoo is taking forever! I remember last time you told me there was only two rounds left..." *nag nag poke*
Mr. Tattoo: "That was without touchups! And it's not gonna take forever. It's gonna be done in November, so you can get on the podium for the Malmö Tattoo con. How would ya like that? :3"
That would be pretty cool. ^^ And a chance to kinda hang out, I guess. I don't know. He'll probably be busy with all sorts of stuff, but it'd still be fun to tag along. And show off my awesome tat. :3
I think the next project's gonna be my lower left arm. It'll be nice to almost have a sleeve. :D Also, I love lower arm tattoos. :D So awesome! I just need to find a pic of the Focke-Wulff plane I want, as well as a caduceus, but that should be pretty easy.
I'm looking forward to get started on a new tattoo project. I'm still happy every time something gets done on Lude, but it's also ... i've gotten used to it, it's already taking up as much skin as it's going to. I want my skin filled out some more! :D
In other news, my new job's awesome. Nice andclam calm so far, and fortunately their expectations of my Word skillz aren't as big as I had feared. I know my way around Word pretty well, but i'm no wizard, so that's good.
I partook in a pretty amusing conversation today with the other secretaries; one of them mentioned that her son considered getting a tattoo (some pretty lame ideas, though), and the others, especially the one my age were pretty opposed to the concept as well. XD I chimed in as diplomatically and undercoverly as I could, giving my thoughts on consideration of motif and why people regret tattoos. Ooh, i'm so looking forward to the party where i'll brandish my tats. :3 Hot damn, I hope i'll have my lower arm done at that time. It'll probably be the Christmas party thing.
Mr. Tattoo said he wanted some pic reference before he got cracking on drawings, but with a little luck maybe we can get started in October.. that would be awesome. I wanna speed up the process as much as I can.
So anyway. Now i'm gonna watch some Stargate Atlantis (<3 Carson Beckett!) and eat the Snickers I got left. :D
So all in all ... i'm doing good. Only need to get out and shake my booty, but that'll be sometime in the weekend. Mr. Tattoo mentioned something about an interesting place in DGI-byen/Kødbyen, around Skelbækgade, new place. Damn, forgot to get the directions from him. Maybe i'll text him later in the week or something. Or else i'll find my way.
It was kinda pleasant, we still talk pretty well. And it was kinda nice not feeling all on the go, knowing i'm going to ask him something important and sensitive, it was more relaxed. I am tempted to say resigned, but that has such a negative edge. I think i'm finding a good platform with him. Lucif had a good point, "you don't need another Alf".
We discussed other designs, and there was none of them that he rejected, so that's good. I'm still considering finding an alternative artist, perhaps for the Luftwaffe insignia, because it's a simple design that doesn't demand any special abilities. Hmm, I dunno. I'm thinking about the Christianshavn guy, but I still don't think he's optimal, and i'd like to do something kinda clever with the insignia.
So anyway, gods this tattoo is taking forever. We have one more round to go, oh and then a couple of touchup sessions. When we're done, it'll have taken eight months or so. :/ Upside is that he's giving me a pretty good price on it. We've filled out the background and the wings and shirt (hurt like motherfucking hell ... and looked kinda odd. Louise: "So, how does white function on skin?" Mr. Tattoo: "It won't get paper white. It'll be like ... a miscoloration of your skin." Louise: "Oh, great..."), and he wanted to retouch at the next session, and is going to throw in some shading and structure as well. Touchup sessions are free, so that's really awesome. He was all like "Then we could do some shading and stuff as well. It's a touchup session, but what the fuck, it'll be free anyways." So next time I won't have to shell over any bucks. ^^ IH Mars, here I come! :D Then there's a regular session, where we're gonna do ... I don't know, detail work I guess, and then a final touchup.
Oh yeah, and:
Louise: "Goddam, this tattoo is taking forever! I remember last time you told me there was only two rounds left..." *nag nag poke*
Mr. Tattoo: "That was without touchups! And it's not gonna take forever. It's gonna be done in November, so you can get on the podium for the Malmö Tattoo con. How would ya like that? :3"
That would be pretty cool. ^^ And a chance to kinda hang out, I guess. I don't know. He'll probably be busy with all sorts of stuff, but it'd still be fun to tag along. And show off my awesome tat. :3
I think the next project's gonna be my lower left arm. It'll be nice to almost have a sleeve. :D Also, I love lower arm tattoos. :D So awesome! I just need to find a pic of the Focke-Wulff plane I want, as well as a caduceus, but that should be pretty easy.
I'm looking forward to get started on a new tattoo project. I'm still happy every time something gets done on Lude, but it's also ... i've gotten used to it, it's already taking up as much skin as it's going to. I want my skin filled out some more! :D
In other news, my new job's awesome. Nice and
I partook in a pretty amusing conversation today with the other secretaries; one of them mentioned that her son considered getting a tattoo (some pretty lame ideas, though), and the others, especially the one my age were pretty opposed to the concept as well. XD I chimed in as diplomatically and undercoverly as I could, giving my thoughts on consideration of motif and why people regret tattoos. Ooh, i'm so looking forward to the party where i'll brandish my tats. :3 Hot damn, I hope i'll have my lower arm done at that time. It'll probably be the Christmas party thing.
Mr. Tattoo said he wanted some pic reference before he got cracking on drawings, but with a little luck maybe we can get started in October.. that would be awesome. I wanna speed up the process as much as I can.
So anyway. Now i'm gonna watch some Stargate Atlantis (<3 Carson Beckett!) and eat the Snickers I got left. :D
So all in all ... i'm doing good. Only need to get out and shake my booty, but that'll be sometime in the weekend. Mr. Tattoo mentioned something about an interesting place in DGI-byen/Kødbyen, around Skelbækgade, new place. Damn, forgot to get the directions from him. Maybe i'll text him later in the week or something. Or else i'll find my way.
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I'm a nag with a gun
Jul. 31st, 2008 | 05:57 pm
My coordinates are: Uføret
Feeling: depressed
Soundtrack: Mike Ness - Once A Day
I'm starting to reach the point of wanting security and comfort. Okay, this is entering the middle of a train of thoughts. I'll describe one of the compartments as briefly as possible, since you know it all to well. That guy thingy who does ink on my skin is FUBAR, and it was fubar from the moment I decided to set foot at that place again. I'm also having a hard time dealing with this. A catch 22. Either way it's heartbreak.
Okay, enough of that. This is where the train continues, so sit down son, and listen. To paradox for a moment, I won't mention how rare it is that I get fascinated with people, really fascinated. I also get a vibe that such people are out of league. I can look, but never touch. It's a beautiful feeling and it breaks my heart. But then, and this is where i'm kinda having a breakthrough (or possibly breakdown). I watched some sci-fi series, and there's this male character. He isn't hot, but he has such a nice charisma, he seems so sweet and stable. I'm starting to think I want something like that. I want something imperfect and nice, someone I feel comfortable with, and not someone where I have to struggle to keep up.
I don't know if that's good or bad. I guess it's good because it stops me being fascinated with people I can't get my hands on anyways, but it's bad, because it reminds me of old patterns ... of dating people that I felt safe with, that usually would never get their hands on a girl like me, because they were too ugly/fat/dorky/asocial/whatever. I like the saying 'better be king in hell than a servant in heaven', but still. I don't want to sell myself too cheaply on that account.
I guess ... I want someone who doesn't scare me. But I also need to find out what kinda people I can actually get my hands on. Mr. Tattoo is goddam far out of reach, and Henrik (you know that electrician guy I dated briefly) was far too easy, and put me on a piedestal. That gives me a starting point at least, now I just need to find out where I am in between those two extremes.
I'm afraid I won't be dating seriously for a long while. I'm afraid ... people see me as some sorta undateable freak. Fascinating yeah, intelligent yeah, dating material? Fuck no. She's too weird. She's got tattoos and piercings and a strange fascination with dolls. I'm not gonna fucking compromise myself, but I don't like that feeling either. I don't know why, at the moment I feel more of a freak than I think I actually am.
It kinda breaks my heart when people tell me how different I am from the rest of the world, because i'm not. I'm a rational being (well, fairly...), my opinions and beliefs are pretty normal, I live a normal life, pay my mortgage, go to work, see my friends. I don't sacrifice goats or wear tinfoil hats or believe that communism is a brilliant idea. I fall in love, I hurt, I feed my cat occasionally, I read books, like everybody else. I hate the ... sense of alienation in being labelled as being different. What the hell is different anyways? I understand that I don't look like your average person, but that doesn't mean i'm totally extreme. It's like some people take a tiny aspect and blow it out of proportions.
So bla bla, that was kinda a side track. Back to the dating angst, because that's totally more fun to read about.
I have a vibe i'm too fascinated by appearances. I can name at least two guys i've crushed on who've been a mess to deal with, and I don't think it would have been like that, if they hadn't been so physically attractive. It ... blinds me. Like some other things blind me. I have some pretty specific interests, such as comic books and tattoos, and it's not everybody who's interested in that kinda stuff. That's why it floors me when I find people who like the same stuff. Flooring is fine, but it worries me that I don't pay more attention to how functional (or dysfunctional) those people actually are. I'm willing to pay too high a price to be with the kinda person I wanna be with, and I don't think it's healthy.
I guess ... sometimes I don't trust myself. I don't trust my judgment, I have a feeling I have screwed up patterns, like those kinda people that keep on dating alcoholics or people that beat them up. Either I aim for people I somewhere know I can't get (ambition!) or I end up with uninteresting people (addicted to feeling secure!). How the hell can I throw myself into dating when I don't know why I do it, and more importantly, where I fuck up? I can't trust myself, I shouldn't get involved with people until I know what's up, but ... I also need to get involved. I've even almost forgotten what it's like to have sex. I miss it, but ... I also feel like ... well, I know what it's like. I've tried it all. It doesn't matter. It's a thing of the past. And that's just sad.
I guess I need to feel non-rejected for a while. If that takes a semi-dorky person to make me feel that way, then so be it. I want comfort and confirmation and other things starting with co. Ambition's good, but not if it's gonna break your heart.
Oh yeah. Did I mention i'm very bad at having vacation? I have too much time to do this kinda thinking. Will someone just fork me over a Carson I can marry?
Okay, enough of that. This is where the train continues, so sit down son, and listen. To paradox for a moment, I won't mention how rare it is that I get fascinated with people, really fascinated. I also get a vibe that such people are out of league. I can look, but never touch. It's a beautiful feeling and it breaks my heart. But then, and this is where i'm kinda having a breakthrough (or possibly breakdown). I watched some sci-fi series, and there's this male character. He isn't hot, but he has such a nice charisma, he seems so sweet and stable. I'm starting to think I want something like that. I want something imperfect and nice, someone I feel comfortable with, and not someone where I have to struggle to keep up.
I don't know if that's good or bad. I guess it's good because it stops me being fascinated with people I can't get my hands on anyways, but it's bad, because it reminds me of old patterns ... of dating people that I felt safe with, that usually would never get their hands on a girl like me, because they were too ugly/fat/dorky/asocial/whatever. I like the saying 'better be king in hell than a servant in heaven', but still. I don't want to sell myself too cheaply on that account.
I guess ... I want someone who doesn't scare me. But I also need to find out what kinda people I can actually get my hands on. Mr. Tattoo is goddam far out of reach, and Henrik (you know that electrician guy I dated briefly) was far too easy, and put me on a piedestal. That gives me a starting point at least, now I just need to find out where I am in between those two extremes.
I'm afraid I won't be dating seriously for a long while. I'm afraid ... people see me as some sorta undateable freak. Fascinating yeah, intelligent yeah, dating material? Fuck no. She's too weird. She's got tattoos and piercings and a strange fascination with dolls. I'm not gonna fucking compromise myself, but I don't like that feeling either. I don't know why, at the moment I feel more of a freak than I think I actually am.
It kinda breaks my heart when people tell me how different I am from the rest of the world, because i'm not. I'm a rational being (well, fairly...), my opinions and beliefs are pretty normal, I live a normal life, pay my mortgage, go to work, see my friends. I don't sacrifice goats or wear tinfoil hats or believe that communism is a brilliant idea. I fall in love, I hurt, I feed my cat occasionally, I read books, like everybody else. I hate the ... sense of alienation in being labelled as being different. What the hell is different anyways? I understand that I don't look like your average person, but that doesn't mean i'm totally extreme. It's like some people take a tiny aspect and blow it out of proportions.
So bla bla, that was kinda a side track. Back to the dating angst, because that's totally more fun to read about.
I have a vibe i'm too fascinated by appearances. I can name at least two guys i've crushed on who've been a mess to deal with, and I don't think it would have been like that, if they hadn't been so physically attractive. It ... blinds me. Like some other things blind me. I have some pretty specific interests, such as comic books and tattoos, and it's not everybody who's interested in that kinda stuff. That's why it floors me when I find people who like the same stuff. Flooring is fine, but it worries me that I don't pay more attention to how functional (or dysfunctional) those people actually are. I'm willing to pay too high a price to be with the kinda person I wanna be with, and I don't think it's healthy.
I guess ... sometimes I don't trust myself. I don't trust my judgment, I have a feeling I have screwed up patterns, like those kinda people that keep on dating alcoholics or people that beat them up. Either I aim for people I somewhere know I can't get (ambition!) or I end up with uninteresting people (addicted to feeling secure!). How the hell can I throw myself into dating when I don't know why I do it, and more importantly, where I fuck up? I can't trust myself, I shouldn't get involved with people until I know what's up, but ... I also need to get involved. I've even almost forgotten what it's like to have sex. I miss it, but ... I also feel like ... well, I know what it's like. I've tried it all. It doesn't matter. It's a thing of the past. And that's just sad.
I guess I need to feel non-rejected for a while. If that takes a semi-dorky person to make me feel that way, then so be it. I want comfort and confirmation and other things starting with co. Ambition's good, but not if it's gonna break your heart.
Oh yeah. Did I mention i'm very bad at having vacation? I have too much time to do this kinda thinking. Will someone just fork me over a Carson I can marry?
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Gonna race the devil, speedin' down the track
Jul. 27th, 2008 | 01:04 pm
My coordinates are: Uføret
Feeling: content
Soundtrack: Mike Ness - Misery Loves Company
Hylle's staying in Jutland a day extra, so our appointment for watching some Rollins spoken word is moved to tomorrow evening. That's fine with me, means I can dedicate today to creativity. :D I'm gonna do some pics of Carson (and possibly Lude), but before that, i'm gonna finish his tattoos ... or at least the ones on his arms.
Jan and Line came by Friday, it was nice. It's always a little awkward, because I end up talking mostly to him, while my sister just sits around and is happily in love. That's fine, but i'm having a slightly hard time making conversation, because I can't really ask how he's doing, or how he's been spending his vacation and such, since I know his situation at home is messed up, and work is pressure as well. I don't want to start a topic where I know he's uncomfortable with his situation. Just like if you were out with some friends, and they kept asking about your recent painful breakup, or whether your economic situation is still fucked up.
Anyway, I think it went overall well, I really like those two. Line slept over, and the next day we went to her place and had breakfast. It's really nice, like getting a sister. We get along surprisingly well (gee, I sound so pessimistic), and it's nice.
I went directly to Keon's sci-fi hangout after that, and managed to only be late by almost an hour. :/ Anyway, it was really cool, Karina, Marie and Frost was there, and we watched some Stargate Atlantis. The series are all right, but the absolute reason for watching them is Carson Beckett, the William-Chrome-Carson hybrid. It's amazing. :D I read on da internetz that they're killing him in season three (NOOOOOO!), but because of massive protests, they're gonna bring him back-ish in season five.
Marie and I got into a scruffle with Frost, or well mainly I did... over two rounds. He seemed like he needed a little cheering up, so I thought i'd cheer him up by letting him get the upper hand. There's nothing to make a guy happy as using brute force on tender females, especially when the guy feels inferior due to the girl's brilliant intellect. If he can't prove himself in other ways, muscle is the way to do it. ^^ It's kinda cute, actually.
Thought about heading down to the beach later today, when most people have fucked up, and it's less hot. I'd like to do some skinnydipping, maybe some drawing, and generally hang out ... it's nice out there, very zen. It calms my mind. I'm trying to make up my mind on whether I want to go alone, or if I should ask someone if they'd like to come along. Dunno, we'll see. Maybe Marie, when she's home from Keon's place.
As it's payday soon i'm in the process of checking out Sooms Bix. He's so awesome! :3 :D I'm trying to decide on what eyes he should have, and how i'm gonna paint him. Think i'm gonna do some reddish-purple thing, thought I like the idea of a blue claw. Hmm. I'm also trying to come up with a name to him, Balthazar's the leading bet at the moment. Oh well, it'll come to me.
So anyway. Think my hands have stopped shaking now, so I can get to work on Carson's tattoos. :D
Jan and Line came by Friday, it was nice. It's always a little awkward, because I end up talking mostly to him, while my sister just sits around and is happily in love. That's fine, but i'm having a slightly hard time making conversation, because I can't really ask how he's doing, or how he's been spending his vacation and such, since I know his situation at home is messed up, and work is pressure as well. I don't want to start a topic where I know he's uncomfortable with his situation. Just like if you were out with some friends, and they kept asking about your recent painful breakup, or whether your economic situation is still fucked up.
Anyway, I think it went overall well, I really like those two. Line slept over, and the next day we went to her place and had breakfast. It's really nice, like getting a sister. We get along surprisingly well (gee, I sound so pessimistic), and it's nice.
I went directly to Keon's sci-fi hangout after that, and managed to only be late by almost an hour. :/ Anyway, it was really cool, Karina, Marie and Frost was there, and we watched some Stargate Atlantis. The series are all right, but the absolute reason for watching them is Carson Beckett, the William-Chrome-Carson hybrid. It's amazing. :D I read on da internetz that they're killing him in season three (NOOOOOO!), but because of massive protests, they're gonna bring him back-ish in season five.
Marie and I got into a scruffle with Frost, or well mainly I did... over two rounds. He seemed like he needed a little cheering up, so I thought i'd cheer him up by letting him get the upper hand. There's nothing to make a guy happy as using brute force on tender females, especially when the guy feels inferior due to the girl's brilliant intellect. If he can't prove himself in other ways, muscle is the way to do it. ^^ It's kinda cute, actually.
Thought about heading down to the beach later today, when most people have fucked up, and it's less hot. I'd like to do some skinnydipping, maybe some drawing, and generally hang out ... it's nice out there, very zen. It calms my mind. I'm trying to make up my mind on whether I want to go alone, or if I should ask someone if they'd like to come along. Dunno, we'll see. Maybe Marie, when she's home from Keon's place.
As it's payday soon i'm in the process of checking out Sooms Bix. He's so awesome! :3 :D I'm trying to decide on what eyes he should have, and how i'm gonna paint him. Think i'm gonna do some reddish-purple thing, thought I like the idea of a blue claw. Hmm. I'm also trying to come up with a name to him, Balthazar's the leading bet at the moment. Oh well, it'll come to me.
So anyway. Think my hands have stopped shaking now, so I can get to work on Carson's tattoos. :D
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Left my girl in Kansas city/Left her crying in the rain
Jul. 23rd, 2008 | 05:39 pm
My coordinates are: Uføret
Feeling: sad
Soundtrack: Social D - Winners & Losers
Just got home from my parents' place, i've enjoyed a couple of cozy days up there, seeing them, having Marie over, getting my feet wet at the beach, and last but not least, DRIVING! :D Line and my ex-boss Jan was by for dinner, it was kinda awkward as they're trying to smooth over some things. It's a complicated situation.
Anyway. I just got home, and i'm feeling sad. I can't put my finger on what it is, it's annoying. Maybe it's economy, but that'll solve itself, or i'll make it solve itself. There's mr. tattoo guy, but i'm laying very low on him, so that really shouldn't be popping up either. I'm thinking maybe it's because I need to get out, have a more active social life ... I mean, I see people almost every day and hang out and stuff, but I need to go out out, as in hit town, and .... hmm, I guess I need to flirt or something. I'm in the process of either choosing to be a cynical old asshole ("dating? Ha, that's a past chapter. That was back when I was young and stupid.") or yearning to have a boyfriend or an affair or something. Neither of these seem appealing, and I try to take the middle road, not really caring and being content in myself.
I guess ... I somehow feel rejected. I feel ... undateable. That's pretty fucking stupid. I don't know where that comes from. I also feel defect, in that i'm bad at choosing what kinda people i'm interested in, attracted to, choose to go out with. I'm afraid of what kinda mess I can and will get myself in. I don't really trust my own sense of judgment. I'll always roll with it, but that's because I have a streak of selfdestructiveness and kamikaze.
I was out driving today, and there was this small part of me that wanted to floor the speeder and crash into something.
I feel like my life's lacking something. I have friends, i'm being creative (more than ever), work's gonna be good, i'm doing all right. I feel like i'm missing something, but I can't put my finger on what. It doesn't feel like my usual afraid-of-being-single.
Maybe i'm unconsciously stressed out because i'm starting at a new job, i'm feeling kinda rootless right now. Somehow I think i'm in the process of redefining myself, and that brings on emotions like this.
I'm sitting in my apartment glancing around, trying to decide what to do now. I really wanna cry, to get stressed out, I wanna hit the peak of feeling bad, so I can start feeling better again. I wanna fix up this place, do the dishes and clear up a bit, then I need to go shopping for milk and cat food. I'd like to go somewhere and hang out with some people, and possibly talk about feeing bugged, but I don't know who, where and when. Hm. I'd like to get out of here tonight, or else i'll just end up angsting all night.
Had a thought on mr. tattoo who all of you are really sick of reading about, so i'll keep it short. He said he had a tendency to fuck people up he got close with. Well, thing is. I think it was fucked up all along. It fucked up the moment I laid eyes on him, because I knew i'd never get my hands on him. It still breaks my heart and aches in such a sweet way when I hear about him, and I think every session's always gonna break my heart a little.
Sometimes I wish I was made of fucking stone.
Anyway. I just got home, and i'm feeling sad. I can't put my finger on what it is, it's annoying. Maybe it's economy, but that'll solve itself, or i'll make it solve itself. There's mr. tattoo guy, but i'm laying very low on him, so that really shouldn't be popping up either. I'm thinking maybe it's because I need to get out, have a more active social life ... I mean, I see people almost every day and hang out and stuff, but I need to go out out, as in hit town, and .... hmm, I guess I need to flirt or something. I'm in the process of either choosing to be a cynical old asshole ("dating? Ha, that's a past chapter. That was back when I was young and stupid.") or yearning to have a boyfriend or an affair or something. Neither of these seem appealing, and I try to take the middle road, not really caring and being content in myself.
I guess ... I somehow feel rejected. I feel ... undateable. That's pretty fucking stupid. I don't know where that comes from. I also feel defect, in that i'm bad at choosing what kinda people i'm interested in, attracted to, choose to go out with. I'm afraid of what kinda mess I can and will get myself in. I don't really trust my own sense of judgment. I'll always roll with it, but that's because I have a streak of selfdestructiveness and kamikaze.
I was out driving today, and there was this small part of me that wanted to floor the speeder and crash into something.
I feel like my life's lacking something. I have friends, i'm being creative (more than ever), work's gonna be good, i'm doing all right. I feel like i'm missing something, but I can't put my finger on what. It doesn't feel like my usual afraid-of-being-single.
Maybe i'm unconsciously stressed out because i'm starting at a new job, i'm feeling kinda rootless right now. Somehow I think i'm in the process of redefining myself, and that brings on emotions like this.
I'm sitting in my apartment glancing around, trying to decide what to do now. I really wanna cry, to get stressed out, I wanna hit the peak of feeling bad, so I can start feeling better again. I wanna fix up this place, do the dishes and clear up a bit, then I need to go shopping for milk and cat food. I'd like to go somewhere and hang out with some people, and possibly talk about feeing bugged, but I don't know who, where and when. Hm. I'd like to get out of here tonight, or else i'll just end up angsting all night.
Had a thought on mr. tattoo who all of you are really sick of reading about, so i'll keep it short. He said he had a tendency to fuck people up he got close with. Well, thing is. I think it was fucked up all along. It fucked up the moment I laid eyes on him, because I knew i'd never get my hands on him. It still breaks my heart and aches in such a sweet way when I hear about him, and I think every session's always gonna break my heart a little.
Sometimes I wish I was made of fucking stone.
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I'm on my waaaaayyyyy.......
Jul. 13th, 2008 | 12:47 am
My coordinates are: Uføret
Feeling: creative
Soundtrack: Rock Against Bush DVD
Ah yes.
Night has finally fallen, so I can work on my stuff. I rarely seem to be able to be creative when it's light outside, I prefer working at dark.
So now i'm on lattes, red bull, music and anti-Bush DVDs, drawing Lude skating. Fucking brilliant. :D
I'm camping on my living room floor, along with my doll, drawing equipment, and am wearing my fedora. I like. I've been really sleepy all day (tough week, I guess), but now i'm rolling. I was feeling kinda ... guilty, rambling around earlier doing nothing, not seeing people, not being social, and annoyed that my creativity wasn't rolling.
But now it is. I love being creative, I love drawing.
This is good.
Night has finally fallen, so I can work on my stuff. I rarely seem to be able to be creative when it's light outside, I prefer working at dark.
So now i'm on lattes, red bull, music and anti-Bush DVDs, drawing Lude skating. Fucking brilliant. :D
I'm camping on my living room floor, along with my doll, drawing equipment, and am wearing my fedora. I like. I've been really sleepy all day (tough week, I guess), but now i'm rolling. I was feeling kinda ... guilty, rambling around earlier doing nothing, not seeing people, not being social, and annoyed that my creativity wasn't rolling.
But now it is. I love being creative, I love drawing.
This is good.
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Please don't you call me at home/Please don't come knocking at night
Jul. 11th, 2008 | 10:52 pm
My coordinates are: Uføret
Feeling: determined/jaded
Soundtrack: Social D - Highway 101
I get mad at myself sometimes. Or possibly irritated. Or maybe it's just called emo.
I'm slightly irritated by this whole tattoo guy thing. It's been on the shelf for about a week now, and that's fine. I guess one of the hardest lessons for me is that the things you want aren't necessarily those that'll make you happy. My thoughts keep returning to Pinhead Gunpowder's MPLS Song. It's got a line that goes "sometimes it's what you loves most that suffocates you." That's so true, that's so right.
I like being in love, I like the rush of it, I like this determination and dedication it gives you. But I tend to forget, in cases like this, that it's more frustrating than actually good. It's like being on heroin (or whatever) - you think it's awesome, but in reality it's not good for you.
Nowadays I just get mad at myself, when I think of him. Like how you get mad at yourself for picking at a scab, or biting your nails. I'm also slightly annoyed, because the whole thing's so bland. It's so ... not really good, not really bad. I hate feeling mediocre; being cool enough to talk with, but not interesting enough to make an appointment with, and actually hang out some day. My ego suffers greatly. ;) Because ... what the fuck. He should be all over the place. Maybe i'm overestimating myself? But then ... why should I underestimate myself. Sometimes I think he's above me, at another level, but then I think that's something I make up in my head (as Jan also pointed out earlier).
Sometimes (like today) I get tempted to push it as far as I can. To call him, and ask if I can come over, or whatever. I want to push until he tells me to fuck off, I want a certain answer, I don't want this limbo situation. I don't want to be 'all right'. I want to be excellent. I'd almost go as far as saying i'd rather be detested than being thought uninteresting/bland/mediocre/whatever. I don't do middle road stuff.
But pushing is a bad idea. Both in general, and specifically since I know he hates it.
So ... that's why i'm realizing that this thing is futile. It's too uphill, this is not the way it's supposed to go. It's supposed to be smoother, not this constant fight and strategic moves. It's ... such a hassle. So. I guess from now on he's gonna be my hot tattoo artist, nice to look at, but no-go. Then I can get him rolling on the projects I want made, and think of that, instead of thinking how i'm ever gonna get to hang out with him, because obviously i'm not. I mean, i've tried as hard as I could, and I think ... about now, it's his turn to make a move, it's his turn to say 'okay, so you wanna go and shop comics with me?'
Majken said something good (she always does ^^), something about working really hard to get to see him every once in a while, drinking coffee or whatever, and how it's not worth it, since there's no extra layers in that. There's no romantic involvement from his side. I'm ... I guess this is hard for me to admit :) i'm not gonna get what I want from him. There's not enough time, there's not enough interest. It breaks my heart somehow, but this is not gonna be, and somehow I don't care, it gives me resolution.
I'm not gonna screw myself and a good relationship with a very good tattoo artist up for two or three dates. I don't plan on being miserable for the next six months, and having to find someone else to carry out my ideas. So maybe i'm old and jaded (or possible just *gasp* sensible), but it's not worth it. I've been there, and it sucked.
I feel so grown-up. :) I guess i'm just tired of hassle with guys. I have better things to spend my time and energy on. Seems kinda double-standardish that i've just written a lot on this, but I wanted to get this off my chest. I guess I wanted to see my thoughts in writing. Maybe i'll have another opinion tomorrow, or next week, or maybe he'll pop up and beg to go on a date with me, but I kinda doubt it.
Pah.
Love sucks.
Well it's cold and it's clammy
Man, it's colder than a pimp's heart
But I've gotta do my time
There's a lesson to be learned here
but what a price to pay.
You know, I may never learn...
So, in other news. Had my last day of work at C2D, that was weird, sad, relieving. I'm glad it's vacation time, i'm glad i'm out of there and have a proper, relevant job now. I'm gonna miss my colleagues, i'm not gonna miss certain administrative things. I'm definitely not gonna miss the payment form, I fucking hate being on provision, even if it's only partial. I'm relieved that i'm never ever gonna have to book a fucking meeting again. I think I was also tired of how people would bitch about certain things, but not do anything about it. I think that kinda stuff's weak. If you see a problem, then act on it. Everything else is lazyness.
So, now I have three weeks of vacation, and it's brilliant. :D I'm gonna have time for doing all the stuff I want, hang out with people, draw, write, paint, play with dolls, da works.
Ooh, oh! My doll, Carson (a Soom Spinel) is in customs. With a little luck, I should have him next week. :D I'm so excited! I've been waiting for almost three months.
So anyway. Think i'm gonna put on some Social D and draw some hot skaters. :3
I'm slightly irritated by this whole tattoo guy thing. It's been on the shelf for about a week now, and that's fine. I guess one of the hardest lessons for me is that the things you want aren't necessarily those that'll make you happy. My thoughts keep returning to Pinhead Gunpowder's MPLS Song. It's got a line that goes "sometimes it's what you loves most that suffocates you." That's so true, that's so right.
I like being in love, I like the rush of it, I like this determination and dedication it gives you. But I tend to forget, in cases like this, that it's more frustrating than actually good. It's like being on heroin (or whatever) - you think it's awesome, but in reality it's not good for you.
Nowadays I just get mad at myself, when I think of him. Like how you get mad at yourself for picking at a scab, or biting your nails. I'm also slightly annoyed, because the whole thing's so bland. It's so ... not really good, not really bad. I hate feeling mediocre; being cool enough to talk with, but not interesting enough to make an appointment with, and actually hang out some day. My ego suffers greatly. ;) Because ... what the fuck. He should be all over the place. Maybe i'm overestimating myself? But then ... why should I underestimate myself. Sometimes I think he's above me, at another level, but then I think that's something I make up in my head (as Jan also pointed out earlier).
Sometimes (like today) I get tempted to push it as far as I can. To call him, and ask if I can come over, or whatever. I want to push until he tells me to fuck off, I want a certain answer, I don't want this limbo situation. I don't want to be 'all right'. I want to be excellent. I'd almost go as far as saying i'd rather be detested than being thought uninteresting/bland/mediocre/whatever. I don't do middle road stuff.
But pushing is a bad idea. Both in general, and specifically since I know he hates it.
So ... that's why i'm realizing that this thing is futile. It's too uphill, this is not the way it's supposed to go. It's supposed to be smoother, not this constant fight and strategic moves. It's ... such a hassle. So. I guess from now on he's gonna be my hot tattoo artist, nice to look at, but no-go. Then I can get him rolling on the projects I want made, and think of that, instead of thinking how i'm ever gonna get to hang out with him, because obviously i'm not. I mean, i've tried as hard as I could, and I think ... about now, it's his turn to make a move, it's his turn to say 'okay, so you wanna go and shop comics with me?'
Majken said something good (she always does ^^), something about working really hard to get to see him every once in a while, drinking coffee or whatever, and how it's not worth it, since there's no extra layers in that. There's no romantic involvement from his side. I'm ... I guess this is hard for me to admit :) i'm not gonna get what I want from him. There's not enough time, there's not enough interest. It breaks my heart somehow, but this is not gonna be, and somehow I don't care, it gives me resolution.
I'm not gonna screw myself and a good relationship with a very good tattoo artist up for two or three dates. I don't plan on being miserable for the next six months, and having to find someone else to carry out my ideas. So maybe i'm old and jaded (or possible just *gasp* sensible), but it's not worth it. I've been there, and it sucked.
I feel so grown-up. :) I guess i'm just tired of hassle with guys. I have better things to spend my time and energy on. Seems kinda double-standardish that i've just written a lot on this, but I wanted to get this off my chest. I guess I wanted to see my thoughts in writing. Maybe i'll have another opinion tomorrow, or next week, or maybe he'll pop up and beg to go on a date with me, but I kinda doubt it.
Pah.
Love sucks.
Well it's cold and it's clammy
Man, it's colder than a pimp's heart
But I've gotta do my time
There's a lesson to be learned here
but what a price to pay.
You know, I may never learn...
So, in other news. Had my last day of work at C2D, that was weird, sad, relieving. I'm glad it's vacation time, i'm glad i'm out of there and have a proper, relevant job now. I'm gonna miss my colleagues, i'm not gonna miss certain administrative things. I'm definitely not gonna miss the payment form, I fucking hate being on provision, even if it's only partial. I'm relieved that i'm never ever gonna have to book a fucking meeting again. I think I was also tired of how people would bitch about certain things, but not do anything about it. I think that kinda stuff's weak. If you see a problem, then act on it. Everything else is lazyness.
So, now I have three weeks of vacation, and it's brilliant. :D I'm gonna have time for doing all the stuff I want, hang out with people, draw, write, paint, play with dolls, da works.
Ooh, oh! My doll, Carson (a Soom Spinel) is in customs. With a little luck, I should have him next week. :D I'm so excited! I've been waiting for almost three months.
So anyway. Think i'm gonna put on some Social D and draw some hot skaters. :3
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Sheeeeeeeeeeer heart attack
Jul. 5th, 2008 | 09:49 pm
My coordinates are: Uføret
Feeling: buzzed
Soundtrack: Queen - Headlong
The 3rd and 4th espresso for my latte is brewing (two shots in one pot), and i'm writing Stripy/Leather, the comedy-film-noir-detective-action-short-s
But I don't wanna think about that now.
The short story's gonna be awesome. I've written a couple of pages by now, and I estimate it's gonna be at least ten to fifteen pages long. I'd like to write it in one go, if I have the inspiration for it. I'll probably interchange between writing and painting (and being caffeine-wired in between).
I feel kinda weird not going out on a Saturday, or doing something social, but well, I had Keon over earlier, which was really nice, and tomorrow i'll be seeing a bunch of people at Karina's place. So today's the day for doing creative stuff. I realize I spend too much milling about not really doing anything at home, so i'm trying to be as creative and productive as possible. I'm also trying to re-railroad my train of thoughts from mr. Tattoo and into creative stuff, and it seems to be working. :D
Note to self: I need to practice some Word stuff and brush up on comma rules for when I start in my new job. It shouldn't take long, and it's only a couple of things. I need to learn to do some rolling headlines-stuff in ... what the hell do you call them, tables? You know, like excel-stuff.. anyway, and also some cross-reference-anchoring stuff. Thank god i'm not too computerblind.
Right. Think my espresso's done. Wheeeeeeeeeeeeee! Now for some creative writing. :3
But I don't wanna think about that now.
The short story's gonna be awesome. I've written a couple of pages by now, and I estimate it's gonna be at least ten to fifteen pages long. I'd like to write it in one go, if I have the inspiration for it. I'll probably interchange between writing and painting (and being caffeine-wired in between).
I feel kinda weird not going out on a Saturday, or doing something social, but well, I had Keon over earlier, which was really nice, and tomorrow i'll be seeing a bunch of people at Karina's place. So today's the day for doing creative stuff. I realize I spend too much milling about not really doing anything at home, so i'm trying to be as creative and productive as possible. I'm also trying to re-railroad my train of thoughts from mr. Tattoo and into creative stuff, and it seems to be working. :D
Note to self: I need to practice some Word stuff and brush up on comma rules for when I start in my new job. It shouldn't take long, and it's only a couple of things. I need to learn to do some rolling headlines-stuff in ... what the hell do you call them, tables? You know, like excel-stuff.. anyway, and also some cross-reference-anchoring stuff. Thank god i'm not too computerblind.
Right. Think my espresso's done. Wheeeeeeeeeeeeee! Now for some creative writing. :3
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Inspiration
Jul. 5th, 2008 | 02:59 am
My coordinates are: Uføret
Feeling: 
contemplative
Soundtrack: Hüsker Dü - Diane
Negativity's too enchanting
'cause the world seems so depressing
but I know it can't always be
can't always be that way
I get caught up in my situation
but I know my life's just begun
we all need...
Inspiration
And the thought of a hundred million smiles
And a hundred million buildings burning to the ground
from a hundred million miles away, I can hear the sound
of a hundred million burning definitions
and a hundred million dead restrictions
and a hundred million minds set free
from the chains put there a generation before
I can see the world falling to its knees
Screaming please someone help me
Now I can see, we've destroyed ourselves with certainty
and this machine will crumble and fade
to a hundred million miles away
Where there's someone just like me
thinking everything will be ok
From a hundred million miles I can see a man
and I know he understands
Saying your chains are your own
It's your mirror, so smash it.
'cause the world seems so depressing
but I know it can't always be
can't always be that way
I get caught up in my situation
but I know my life's just begun
we all need...
Inspiration
And the thought of a hundred million smiles
And a hundred million buildings burning to the ground
from a hundred million miles away, I can hear the sound
of a hundred million burning definitions
and a hundred million dead restrictions
and a hundred million minds set free
from the chains put there a generation before
I can see the world falling to its knees
Screaming please someone help me
Now I can see, we've destroyed ourselves with certainty
and this machine will crumble and fade
to a hundred million miles away
Where there's someone just like me
thinking everything will be ok
From a hundred million miles I can see a man
and I know he understands
Saying your chains are your own
It's your mirror, so smash it.
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One more time...
Jul. 4th, 2008 | 05:23 pm
My coordinates are: Uføret
Feeling: thoughtful
Soundtrack: Velvet Underground - White Light, White Heat
Concerning tattoos. I focus more on mr. Tattoo guy, than I do on the work he's doing on me. Every time I go there, I focus more on what the hell i'm gonna do with him, than on what we're actually doing. Maybe because it's so much more complex with him, the other thing's just getting a tattoo. I think i'll be really excited the day we finish it. I mean, I love it every time we work on the tattoo, because i'm so in awe of how cool it's turning out to be, and i'm fascinated by the way my arm fills up with ink and color. It's gonna be a fucking masterpiece. I love my other tattoos, but this one's really special. Beautiful motive, wonderfully executed. I guess I also think it's special, because it's a special person for me that's making it.
I feel really weird about my crush (that word doesn't really cover it in this connection, but anyway) in this context. I mean, i've crushed heavily before, but it's weird ... the guy i'm in love with is creating something on me that'll never go away. I have his fucking imprint on my arm. That's surrealistic - noone's ever done that before. I've had boyfriends who offered me tattoos, but i've always declined, because I didn't want to think of them when I looked at it, if/when we broke up.
Anja said something yesterday which got me thinking. I was telling Karina about the latest developments, and she mentioned that she had a friend who had dated someone, who had said something similar as mr. Tattoo did. That he'd fuck her up, and that she then had said that she was willing to take that risk, etc. Turns out, yeah, he did fuck up. Apparently he started ignoring her, which naturally made her pretty angry.
One of the things about this is that even though the guy was honest, it was still a mess. Another thing is, well, i'm having a guy right now saying the same thing to me. We're nowhere near dating, but still.
I can't figure out if I should take it as a warning signal, and back off. He's told me he's irresponsible, makes promises he can't keep, fucks people up, and don't like to make people sad. I guess i'm wondering if he'll be honest all the way through, if it's possible to make a deal (or the lack of a such), set up some guidelines or whatever. I wonder if he can be honest and up-front all the way through. I think he can, because he seems the type, but I don't know for sure.
I think he's also beating himself up too much. I feel kinda sorry for him, because he can't figure out to get close to people, or he doesn't trust people unless he's known them for a long time and such. I guess I have one up on him here, because he finds me to be trustworthy, and he's opened up to me.
I'm also wondering how much of a distance he's gonna try to keep me at. If what i've said have left an impression on him, and he wants to give hanging out a go, or if he's going to override it, do the 'responsible' thing and keep me at an arm's distance, despite what i'm saying.
Hmm. I think i'll find out when we finish this tattoo, sometime in September or whatever. He said he wanted to finish it, so maybe I can fish out an appointment.
I've wondered the past couple of days if i'm about to get myself into some mess. He pulls my heart strings the way Alf did. That was beautiful, awesome and unique, but it was also a mess, and it took me a long time to get over. The situation's different, but I get that same vibe off him. Like ... he's so damn lovely, and there's a potential of me getting busted up. I don't regret dating Alf, but I also remember spending too much energy on it, and being very sad. Right now I feel as if I have the possibility of making the choice of taking a bumpy ride or not, and I feel ambivalent about it.
On one hand, shit, I should let it rest. Enjoy the conversations while i'm there, try not to get behind his facade, let it go. Leave it at this, i'm good at being miserable on my own, I don't need external help for that. He's warned me that he's bad with people, I should take that to heart.
On the other hand. I've probably said this before, but it's so extremely rare I meet people where I feel attracted to them at first go. Off the top of my mind, I think Payson's the only other person (in IRL, anyway) i've felt that way about, and look at the impact and adventure he had on me. I want to take this as far as I can. I want to see what I can accomplish, and even though we might not end up dating, i'll still learn a lot from this. Most importantly, being able to rely on myself. I underestimate myself very often, and i'd like to see what i'm actually able to do. Like having a car and going to the racetrack, to see how fast it actually can go. This is an experiment, this is a test. I can't not roll with it. I would end up feeling irritated because I didn't do all I could, and that would leave to regret that I didn't take the chances I was offered (or chose to offer myself).
An important difference between this and Alf is that Alf and I had dated for a while, before I found out about him having issues. Some of it he told me himself, but most of it I had to figure out on my own. Here i'm informed how the situation is, and that enables me to plan my strategy after this. Right now ... I feel wary, but i'm still gonna give it a go, I think. It's a challenge for me, and I know what to look for, and when to get out, if the world starts burning.
So... I don't know. I guess the game is still on. I'm trying to figure out what i'm expecting, and what's best for me. I guess it looks something like this.
For the next session, the beginning of August, i'm gonna try to keep the autopilot-tattoo-artist-conversation to a minimum. I'm gonna get as personal as possible; sharing personal stuff for me as I do with my friends, and ask him how he's doing, how he's feeling and so forth. I'm gonna gain his confidence as much as I can (and fortunately, i'm pretty good at such stuff). Then of course, i'm gonna be as sharp and interesting to talk with as I can. Dig up some good stories and anecdotes and so forth.
He should also start thinking by then that maybe he'd actually like to hang out with me. I would very much like him to bring up something like "hey, maybe we could go grab coffee sometime" or whatever. I'm gonna lay out bait in the form of "oh, there's this exhibition" or "I was thinking about hitting town, but I don't have anyone to go along with." I don't think he'll bite, but we'll see.
When we're done with the tattoo, I want a reconsideration of hanging out. I want to drink that damn cup of coffee, help him fix the car, take a walk, whatever. Something simple that won't take long. Shopping for comics or whatever. He should feel in the clear since we're done, and should by then trust me enough to let me get close.
In the meantime, I need to find out what kinda tattoo work exactly he does. I have a billion plans, and i'd like him to do the work, if he's interested and feels up for it. He's brilliantly good, i've worked myself up to getting pretty good discounts, and his style suits me.
And if all else goes wrong, i'll do it the hardline way, and 'hang out' with him when we tattoo. Since i'm getting paid more at Deloitte than at my present job, it would be possible for me to get tattooed every other week, instead of once a month. Another very nice German tattoo guy told me yesterday that the skin needs to rest three weeks between tattoos, when you're working on the same project, but if it's on other parts of the body, it doesn't matter. Say, if we switch between working on my shoulder and my legs, it should work out. Besides, since each session is a couple of hours long at least, i'll also get to see him pretty often.
I should be able to get to him, sooner or later. In the meantime i'm keeping my eyes open, i'm not blinding myself on him. :) But i'm not gonna make the usual Louise fuckup and start dating someone vaguely interesting, because I have nothing else to do.
But anyway. Now you've read this far, i'd like to hear your thoughts on this. Am I blinded by ambition, good intentions and faith in other people, or is this actually a good idea?
And to finish off where I started. The tattoo is very beautiful, and very awesome. I can't wait to see it done. I think maybe i've just gotten used to getting tattooed, it's not the same groundbreaking sensation for me anymore. It's like a doctor's appointment, with beautiful results. :)
I feel really weird about my crush (that word doesn't really cover it in this connection, but anyway) in this context. I mean, i've crushed heavily before, but it's weird ... the guy i'm in love with is creating something on me that'll never go away. I have his fucking imprint on my arm. That's surrealistic - noone's ever done that before. I've had boyfriends who offered me tattoos, but i've always declined, because I didn't want to think of them when I looked at it, if/when we broke up.
Anja said something yesterday which got me thinking. I was telling Karina about the latest developments, and she mentioned that she had a friend who had dated someone, who had said something similar as mr. Tattoo did. That he'd fuck her up, and that she then had said that she was willing to take that risk, etc. Turns out, yeah, he did fuck up. Apparently he started ignoring her, which naturally made her pretty angry.
One of the things about this is that even though the guy was honest, it was still a mess. Another thing is, well, i'm having a guy right now saying the same thing to me. We're nowhere near dating, but still.
I can't figure out if I should take it as a warning signal, and back off. He's told me he's irresponsible, makes promises he can't keep, fucks people up, and don't like to make people sad. I guess i'm wondering if he'll be honest all the way through, if it's possible to make a deal (or the lack of a such), set up some guidelines or whatever. I wonder if he can be honest and up-front all the way through. I think he can, because he seems the type, but I don't know for sure.
I think he's also beating himself up too much. I feel kinda sorry for him, because he can't figure out to get close to people, or he doesn't trust people unless he's known them for a long time and such. I guess I have one up on him here, because he finds me to be trustworthy, and he's opened up to me.
I'm also wondering how much of a distance he's gonna try to keep me at. If what i've said have left an impression on him, and he wants to give hanging out a go, or if he's going to override it, do the 'responsible' thing and keep me at an arm's distance, despite what i'm saying.
Hmm. I think i'll find out when we finish this tattoo, sometime in September or whatever. He said he wanted to finish it, so maybe I can fish out an appointment.
I've wondered the past couple of days if i'm about to get myself into some mess. He pulls my heart strings the way Alf did. That was beautiful, awesome and unique, but it was also a mess, and it took me a long time to get over. The situation's different, but I get that same vibe off him. Like ... he's so damn lovely, and there's a potential of me getting busted up. I don't regret dating Alf, but I also remember spending too much energy on it, and being very sad. Right now I feel as if I have the possibility of making the choice of taking a bumpy ride or not, and I feel ambivalent about it.
On one hand, shit, I should let it rest. Enjoy the conversations while i'm there, try not to get behind his facade, let it go. Leave it at this, i'm good at being miserable on my own, I don't need external help for that. He's warned me that he's bad with people, I should take that to heart.
On the other hand. I've probably said this before, but it's so extremely rare I meet people where I feel attracted to them at first go. Off the top of my mind, I think Payson's the only other person (in IRL, anyway) i've felt that way about, and look at the impact and adventure he had on me. I want to take this as far as I can. I want to see what I can accomplish, and even though we might not end up dating, i'll still learn a lot from this. Most importantly, being able to rely on myself. I underestimate myself very often, and i'd like to see what i'm actually able to do. Like having a car and going to the racetrack, to see how fast it actually can go. This is an experiment, this is a test. I can't not roll with it. I would end up feeling irritated because I didn't do all I could, and that would leave to regret that I didn't take the chances I was offered (or chose to offer myself).
An important difference between this and Alf is that Alf and I had dated for a while, before I found out about him having issues. Some of it he told me himself, but most of it I had to figure out on my own. Here i'm informed how the situation is, and that enables me to plan my strategy after this. Right now ... I feel wary, but i'm still gonna give it a go, I think. It's a challenge for me, and I know what to look for, and when to get out, if the world starts burning.
So... I don't know. I guess the game is still on. I'm trying to figure out what i'm expecting, and what's best for me. I guess it looks something like this.
For the next session, the beginning of August, i'm gonna try to keep the autopilot-tattoo-artist-conversation to a minimum. I'm gonna get as personal as possible; sharing personal stuff for me as I do with my friends, and ask him how he's doing, how he's feeling and so forth. I'm gonna gain his confidence as much as I can (and fortunately, i'm pretty good at such stuff). Then of course, i'm gonna be as sharp and interesting to talk with as I can. Dig up some good stories and anecdotes and so forth.
He should also start thinking by then that maybe he'd actually like to hang out with me. I would very much like him to bring up something like "hey, maybe we could go grab coffee sometime" or whatever. I'm gonna lay out bait in the form of "oh, there's this exhibition" or "I was thinking about hitting town, but I don't have anyone to go along with." I don't think he'll bite, but we'll see.
When we're done with the tattoo, I want a reconsideration of hanging out. I want to drink that damn cup of coffee, help him fix the car, take a walk, whatever. Something simple that won't take long. Shopping for comics or whatever. He should feel in the clear since we're done, and should by then trust me enough to let me get close.
In the meantime, I need to find out what kinda tattoo work exactly he does. I have a billion plans, and i'd like him to do the work, if he's interested and feels up for it. He's brilliantly good, i've worked myself up to getting pretty good discounts, and his style suits me.
And if all else goes wrong, i'll do it the hardline way, and 'hang out' with him when we tattoo. Since i'm getting paid more at Deloitte than at my present job, it would be possible for me to get tattooed every other week, instead of once a month. Another very nice German tattoo guy told me yesterday that the skin needs to rest three weeks between tattoos, when you're working on the same project, but if it's on other parts of the body, it doesn't matter. Say, if we switch between working on my shoulder and my legs, it should work out. Besides, since each session is a couple of hours long at least, i'll also get to see him pretty often.
I should be able to get to him, sooner or later. In the meantime i'm keeping my eyes open, i'm not blinding myself on him. :) But i'm not gonna make the usual Louise fuckup and start dating someone vaguely interesting, because I have nothing else to do.
But anyway. Now you've read this far, i'd like to hear your thoughts on this. Am I blinded by ambition, good intentions and faith in other people, or is this actually a good idea?
And to finish off where I started. The tattoo is very beautiful, and very awesome. I can't wait to see it done. I think maybe i've just gotten used to getting tattooed, it's not the same groundbreaking sensation for me anymore. It's like a doctor's appointment, with beautiful results. :)
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Negativity's too enchanting...
Jul. 2nd, 2008 | 04:17 pm
My coordinates are: Christianshavn
Feeling: optimistic
Soundtrack: In my mind: Crimpshrine - Inspiration
So, how did that go? Yesterday, with mr. Tattoo guy?
Well. Am at work waiting for a call, so it'll probably be kinda short. I'll add on later in my usual fashion.
First off. I'm in head over heels. I'm so dedicated it's silly. Right, this is gonna be a jumble.
Anyways.
Short version:
I told him I had been thinking about him, and that started a pretty interesting conversation. He thinks i'm really cool and likes to talk with me, but he's totally fucked up when it comes to time, and furthermore, he has this social defect that means he's having a hard time getting close to people, and he thinks he fucks people up. He said he wanted me to maintain my view of him as a sweet and kind guy, he didn't want to ruin that, and he didn't want to fuck me up.
So I told him that it's a risk i'm willing to take, and that I can take care of myself. That I have to roll with this - it might give me some bruises, but it'd be worse to not roll on it. I'd just regret that.
Then he opened up pretty much and told about stress and feeling under pressure, which I think was pretty interesting. He was pretty much ... "you seem like a trustworthy person." I told him I wanted the best for him, and that I didn't want to push him at all, but that I felt like I was walking a tightrope between trying to get an appointment with him, and not pushing him - I don't care if I only see him once every other month, I just wanna be part of his private life. He seemed to take that positively. Or think it was well said, or whatever you say. You know, you sense on people how they respond on what you're saying.
So all in all, I think it went as well as it could. I got behind his professionalism, he opened up to me, told me some nice things. No fluffly-luffy stuff, but still very good things. It was nice to drop the facade and trying to seem as cool as possible, and just being straight - and getting the same back.
So, this is a long term project. Every time I see him, I get a bit closer. I'll get him to trust me, and confide in me, and I have plenty of time. I just ... I really, really want to see him happy. I sincerely want the fucking best for him.
I'm not gonna put all my focus on him and want no other guy, but I think there's hope, and it went as well as it could. I'm not going to try and save him, i'm not believing i'll be a full-fledged girlfriend. I just think he's so damn special, I want to have whatever I can get from him.
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So like Crystal/we've been kissing
Jun. 22nd, 2008 | 01:16 pm
My coordinates are: Uføret
Feeling: jaded
Soundtrack: New Order - Crystal
Jesus fucking crap, this has probably been the worst weekend this year so far.
It's very rare that (and has been a long time since) I get the thought "well, I could also just shoot myself [insert bitter laugh]", but it popped up earlier this morning. Yeah, I know it's not good, but it'll go away. I get this strange urge to play Russian roulette. I know it's wrong, but it just seems so tempting.
It's very rare that (and has been a long time since) I get the thought "well, I could also just shoot myself [insert bitter laugh]", but it popped up earlier this morning. Yeah, I know it's not good, but it'll go away. I get this strange urge to play Russian roulette. I know it's wrong, but it just seems so tempting.
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Question thingy
Jun. 9th, 2008 | 01:33 pm
My coordinates are: Christianshavn
Feeling: tired
Soundtrack: In my head: Mike Ness - Ball & Chain
Stolen from Eri, who stole it from someone else.
Where were you 3 hours ago ↔ At work. Precisely, I was semi-sleeping in front of my computer, waiting for the next break.
Who are you in love with ↔ Ooh. My delicious tattoo artist. Boo hooo!
Have you ever eaten a crayon ↔ No. I've eaten other weird stuff, though.
What is pink within 10 feet of you ↔ Hmm. A marker in my pen dispenser thingy.
When is the last time you went to the mall ↔ Saturday, to shop canvas and paint.
Are you wearing socks right now ↔ Yes. Striped socklets in my DCs.
Do you have a car worth over $2,000 ↔ No. I have no car. I have a bike?
When was the last time you drove out of town ↔ Um. I was out of town Wednesday to visit my sister. But that was on train.
Have you been to the movies in the last 5 days ↔ Mmmnope. Last movie was Indiana Jones 4, and that's a couple of weeks ago.
What was the last thing you had to drink ↔ Water, and disgustingly strong and sugared coffee.
What are you wearing right now ↔ Black v-neck tee, black cargo shorts, skater shoes, socks, underwear. Guy's boxers, because it makes me feel like a commando. Oh, and a headset. Meh.
Do you wash your car or let the car wash do it ↔ Fifty-fifty. I like to wash cars, if I have the time.
Last food that you ate ↔ Meat balls and celery and rice. Then cucumbers and bell peppers (yellow).
Where were you last week at this time ↔ At work as well.
What is your favorite animal ↔ Platypus.
Your dream vacation ↔ California. :D In the sun with a cabriolet and a couple of hot rockabilly guys in the back seat.
Last person's house you were in ↔ Nanna and Stuart's.
Worst injury you've ever had ↔ Twisted my foot once, and it hurt like hell.
Last play you saw ↔ Uhm. Dyb Rød, at Kanonhallen (I think).
Stupidest fad ↔ Bells on my shoes. Maaan, what was I thinking.
Next trip you are going to take ↔ Stockholm in July, to visit Alf.
Ever go to camp ↔ Hmmno, don't think so. I think I went a couple of times with the church choir when I was very young.
Are you wearing any perfume ↔ Yes. Armani - Attitude. It's actually Ludes. Attilude? Hee hee. *too tired to be funny*
Are you due sometime this year for a doctor's visit ↔ Probably. Nothing planned though.
Do you have a tan: Yeah, by accident. But I don't try to get tanned.
What are you listening to right now ↔ The tapping of my keyboard. On the MP3 it's Social D, Green Day, New Bomb Turks, and so on. Angry, defiant music at the moment.
Do you collect anything ↔ Yeah. Dolls, plush toys, hot boys.
Last time you got stopped by a cop or pulled over ↔ Several years ago. Some routine check. They were pretty nice and didn't give me a bill for my left headlight not working.
Have you ever drank your soda from a straw ↔ Yes, often.
What does your last text message say ↔ 'deal'.
Do you need to do laundry ↔ Always.
What is your heritage ↔ Danish all the way through, as far as I know.
Are you someone's best friend ↔ Yeah, I think so. :D
Are you rich ↔ Rich on good friends and good times.
What were you doing at 12AM last night ↔ Comic strips on attempting to hook up with the tattoo artist.
Where were you 3 hours ago ↔ At work. Precisely, I was semi-sleeping in front of my computer, waiting for the next break.
Who are you in love with ↔ Ooh. My delicious tattoo artist. Boo hooo!
Have you ever eaten a crayon ↔ No. I've eaten other weird stuff, though.
What is pink within 10 feet of you ↔ Hmm. A marker in my pen dispenser thingy.
When is the last time you went to the mall ↔ Saturday, to shop canvas and paint.
Are you wearing socks right now ↔ Yes. Striped socklets in my DCs.
Do you have a car worth over $2,000 ↔ No. I have no car. I have a bike?
When was the last time you drove out of town ↔ Um. I was out of town Wednesday to visit my sister. But that was on train.
Have you been to the movies in the last 5 days ↔ Mmmnope. Last movie was Indiana Jones 4, and that's a couple of weeks ago.
What was the last thing you had to drink ↔ Water, and disgustingly strong and sugared coffee.
What are you wearing right now ↔ Black v-neck tee, black cargo shorts, skater shoes, socks, underwear. Guy's boxers, because it makes me feel like a commando. Oh, and a headset. Meh.
Do you wash your car or let the car wash do it ↔ Fifty-fifty. I like to wash cars, if I have the time.
Last food that you ate ↔ Meat balls and celery and rice. Then cucumbers and bell peppers (yellow).
Where were you last week at this time ↔ At work as well.
What is your favorite animal ↔ Platypus.
Your dream vacation ↔ California. :D In the sun with a cabriolet and a couple of hot rockabilly guys in the back seat.
Last person's house you were in ↔ Nanna and Stuart's.
Worst injury you've ever had ↔ Twisted my foot once, and it hurt like hell.
Last play you saw ↔ Uhm. Dyb Rød, at Kanonhallen (I think).
Stupidest fad ↔ Bells on my shoes. Maaan, what was I thinking.
Next trip you are going to take ↔ Stockholm in July, to visit Alf.
Ever go to camp ↔ Hmmno, don't think so. I think I went a couple of times with the church choir when I was very young.
Are you wearing any perfume ↔ Yes. Armani - Attitude. It's actually Ludes. Attilude? Hee hee. *too tired to be funny*
Are you due sometime this year for a doctor's visit ↔ Probably. Nothing planned though.
Do you have a tan: Yeah, by accident. But I don't try to get tanned.
What are you listening to right now ↔ The tapping of my keyboard. On the MP3 it's Social D, Green Day, New Bomb Turks, and so on. Angry, defiant music at the moment.
Do you collect anything ↔ Yeah. Dolls, plush toys, hot boys.
Last time you got stopped by a cop or pulled over ↔ Several years ago. Some routine check. They were pretty nice and didn't give me a bill for my left headlight not working.
Have you ever drank your soda from a straw ↔ Yes, often.
What does your last text message say ↔ 'deal'.
Do you need to do laundry ↔ Always.
What is your heritage ↔ Danish all the way through, as far as I know.
Are you someone's best friend ↔ Yeah, I think so. :D
Are you rich ↔ Rich on good friends and good times.
What were you doing at 12AM last night ↔ Comic strips on attempting to hook up with the tattoo artist.
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Novacaine pt. 132
Jun. 9th, 2008 | 09:23 am
My coordinates are: Christianshavn
Feeling: disillusioned
Soundtrack: In my head: New Bomb Turks - Your Beaten Heart
Take away the sensations inside
Bittersweet migraine in my head
It's like a throbbing tooth ache of the mind
I can't take this feeling anymore
Drain the pressure from the swelling
The sensation's overwhelming
Give me a long kiss goodnight
And tell me everything's all right
Tell me that I won't feel a thing ...
So give me novacaine.
Bittersweet migraine in my head
It's like a throbbing tooth ache of the mind
I can't take this feeling anymore
Drain the pressure from the swelling
The sensation's overwhelming
Give me a long kiss goodnight
And tell me everything's all right
Tell me that I won't feel a thing ...
So give me novacaine.
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I swear that it was cursed
Jun. 8th, 2008 | 09:31 pm
My coordinates are: Uføret
Feeling: sad
Soundtrack: Pinhead Gunpowder - MLPS Song
Well, that went straight to hell.
Called him at one, he didn't answer. Figured he was probably still sleeping, so I called him again past two, and left a message on his voicemail. Got sick of waiting, so went to hang out with Nanna, which was really nice, despite often checking my phone, anxious to hear anything.
My hope started falling as the day went on, so I texted him around five, asking him if we were hanging out this afternoon/evening. I figured maybe his phone had fucked up, and he hadn't seen my calls or something, and then 'd better text him, so he could see it was I who had tried getting in touch. No answer to that either, and I figured he'd be awake by then.
Left Nanna's place (which is really cozy, by the way) around seven, and went to Islands Brygge to hang out and be sad and angry and smoke cigarettes and text all my friends and bitch and moan. It's now half past nine, and I have heard de nada.
Basically I am of the belief that i at least could expect that he'd get back to me with a no. I hadn't in my wildest dreams expected not to hear anything at all. That's weird.
Some reasons for this. Some of it are my thoughts, some of it are input from others.
1. He's lost his phone, forgotten it somewhere or whatever.
Plausible, but I doubt it. If he's lost it, I should expect to hear from him tomorrow, when he's at work, where he has my phone number.
2. He's seriously hungover, and has slept most of the day.
Likely as well. But ... he should have been awake at some point by now, to text me and tell me he can't hang out because he's too wasted. I never get hungover myself and don't exactly understand how you feel when hungover, but unless you're passed out, you have to get out sometime in the day.
3. He thinks i'm a pushy moron, or the more diplomatic version, he's just not that much into me.
Likely as well. Damn. But well. We talked pretty well Thursday, and he said himself he'd like to hang out, but didn't know when he had the time. I've thought really hard (and talked with people) about if i've been too pushy, and my conclusion is no. There's nothing wrong with trying to get a specific appointment, and I damagecontrolled right away when he felt pushed.
4. He didn't want to contact me, because he was hungover and didn't have the energy to take the discussion, because he thought i'd push for a new appointment, or wouldn't take no for an answer.
Makes sense. If I have to be completely honest, yeah, I would carefully have tried asking when he had the time to hang out. But I wouldn't insist, and I am _very_ conscious about the fact that he doesn't like to be pushed, and doesn't have much time.
5. He's an irresponsible idiot.
Could be, I don't know him that well. I had thought he was pretty upright and fair, and that you could depend on him. Maybe he's a disaster at appointments, and is bad at getting back to people. Kinda like .. "Oh yeah, fuck, I should have called her, but I forgot. I'll do it tomorrow, if I remember it." He did say something Thursday on how he's responsible when it comes to work, but isn't on all other areas in his life. Maybe he wasn't joking. Yet. He did also mention how he used to be a bad person at ditching people, and he doesn't anymore.
6. He hooked up with some girl yesterday, and has been messing around with her all day.
Grrrr, the thought drives me crazy! >:(
---------------
Right, just got a text from him. He says he's been thinking about it, and wants to finish my tattoo first. Fair enough. I'm glad to hear from him, and it seems he's perceived that I wasn't just angling for a friendly appointment. It sucks, because I know we won't be done until sometime in August, if then, but still ... I choose to be optimistic and interpret it as if he thinks i'm nice, but doesn't wanna complicate the tattoo. And well... though I have a crush on him, I don't want that to be more important than how my eternal tattoo is gonna turn out.
So, I dunno. Remis, I guess.
I wrote him back, saying I understand and that it's fair enough, and that I had been thinking about it, before asking him out. But since I think he's really sweet, I figured i'd give it a go, but we'll see when it's done, then.
I don't know if he's gonna reply to it. It would be nice if he did, so I could get a better picture of what he thinks, but I don't really expect him to.
Oh well.
Could have been worse, could have been a lot better.
Called him at one, he didn't answer. Figured he was probably still sleeping, so I called him again past two, and left a message on his voicemail. Got sick of waiting, so went to hang out with Nanna, which was really nice, despite often checking my phone, anxious to hear anything.
My hope started falling as the day went on, so I texted him around five, asking him if we were hanging out this afternoon/evening. I figured maybe his phone had fucked up, and he hadn't seen my calls or something, and then 'd better text him, so he could see it was I who had tried getting in touch. No answer to that either, and I figured he'd be awake by then.
Left Nanna's place (which is really cozy, by the way) around seven, and went to Islands Brygge to hang out and be sad and angry and smoke cigarettes and text all my friends and bitch and moan. It's now half past nine, and I have heard de nada.
Basically I am of the belief that i at least could expect that he'd get back to me with a no. I hadn't in my wildest dreams expected not to hear anything at all. That's weird.
Some reasons for this. Some of it are my thoughts, some of it are input from others.
1. He's lost his phone, forgotten it somewhere or whatever.
Plausible, but I doubt it. If he's lost it, I should expect to hear from him tomorrow, when he's at work, where he has my phone number.
2. He's seriously hungover, and has slept most of the day.
Likely as well. But ... he should have been awake at some point by now, to text me and tell me he can't hang out because he's too wasted. I never get hungover myself and don't exactly understand how you feel when hungover, but unless you're passed out, you have to get out sometime in the day.
3. He thinks i'm a pushy moron, or the more diplomatic version, he's just not that much into me.
Likely as well. Damn. But well. We talked pretty well Thursday, and he said himself he'd like to hang out, but didn't know when he had the time. I've thought really hard (and talked with people) about if i've been too pushy, and my conclusion is no. There's nothing wrong with trying to get a specific appointment, and I damagecontrolled right away when he felt pushed.
4. He didn't want to contact me, because he was hungover and didn't have the energy to take the discussion, because he thought i'd push for a new appointment, or wouldn't take no for an answer.
Makes sense. If I have to be completely honest, yeah, I would carefully have tried asking when he had the time to hang out. But I wouldn't insist, and I am _very_ conscious about the fact that he doesn't like to be pushed, and doesn't have much time.
5. He's an irresponsible idiot.
Could be, I don't know him that well. I had thought he was pretty upright and fair, and that you could depend on him. Maybe he's a disaster at appointments, and is bad at getting back to people. Kinda like .. "Oh yeah, fuck, I should have called her, but I forgot. I'll do it tomorrow, if I remember it." He did say something Thursday on how he's responsible when it comes to work, but isn't on all other areas in his life. Maybe he wasn't joking. Yet. He did also mention how he used to be a bad person at ditching people, and he doesn't anymore.
6. He hooked up with some girl yesterday, and has been messing around with her all day.
Grrrr, the thought drives me crazy! >:(
---------------
Right, just got a text from him. He says he's been thinking about it, and wants to finish my tattoo first. Fair enough. I'm glad to hear from him, and it seems he's perceived that I wasn't just angling for a friendly appointment. It sucks, because I know we won't be done until sometime in August, if then, but still ... I choose to be optimistic and interpret it as if he thinks i'm nice, but doesn't wanna complicate the tattoo. And well... though I have a crush on him, I don't want that to be more important than how my eternal tattoo is gonna turn out.
So, I dunno. Remis, I guess.
I wrote him back, saying I understand and that it's fair enough, and that I had been thinking about it, before asking him out. But since I think he's really sweet, I figured i'd give it a go, but we'll see when it's done, then.
I don't know if he's gonna reply to it. It would be nice if he did, so I could get a better picture of what he thinks, but I don't really expect him to.
Oh well.
Could have been worse, could have been a lot better.
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Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa ..... I got nothing to lose
Jun. 8th, 2008 | 12:11 pm
My coordinates are: Uføret
Feeling: 
anxious
Soundtrack: Green Day - Burnout
Just rolled out of bed. So, in an hour i'll call Martin and ask if he wanna hang out. Aaaaaaa! I'm scared. Or nervous, or whatever. This thing's so goddam uphill it's amazing. There are short moments where I'd wish I was hitting on some geeky guy instead, that'd be a lot easier. But nah. He's worth it.
So. He should be awake by one o'clock, and then i'll take it from there. If he says that he can't hang out today, and doesn't suggest another day, but goes 'let's talk later this week...' i'm gonna tell him i'm busy the next couple of days, but will give him a call Wednesday-Thursdayish. That way i'll have control, and he'll not have to stress about remembering to call me. Karina suggested this, and it makes good sense in my head. I'd be in the waiting game again, but I think i'd rather wait some more days, than put my foot in my mouth right now, and appear too clingy and sticky. If the guy's too hungover to do anything, he's not gonna be in gear to determine whether i'm dating material or not.
Holy fucking shit. I feel out of my skull. I usually have a pretty clear idea of what i'm going to say to people in situations like this, but I have no idea how i'm gonna phrase hanging out. "So, did you survive last night? Yeah, i'm kinda busted as well, ha ha. Wanna meet up in a couple of hours?" Hmm. It's not that good. I gotta draw on my booking skillz, asking the question in a way where it's harder for him to say no. "So, do you wanna go to a café, or do you wanna go to the park?". But then, that might appear pushy ... I better put a feeler out first. Goddam, I hope he's not too busted. :/
Well, basics: Two suggestions, not anymore, or i'll confuse him. Go along with him ("you're busted? Yeah, so am i..."). Give him space. Make it clear that it's only for an hour or two, if he's all strung out.
Shit. Half an hour or so. Aaah!
So. He should be awake by one o'clock, and then i'll take it from there. If he says that he can't hang out today, and doesn't suggest another day, but goes 'let's talk later this week...' i'm gonna tell him i'm busy the next couple of days, but will give him a call Wednesday-Thursdayish. That way i'll have control, and he'll not have to stress about remembering to call me. Karina suggested this, and it makes good sense in my head. I'd be in the waiting game again, but I think i'd rather wait some more days, than put my foot in my mouth right now, and appear too clingy and sticky. If the guy's too hungover to do anything, he's not gonna be in gear to determine whether i'm dating material or not.
Holy fucking shit. I feel out of my skull. I usually have a pretty clear idea of what i'm going to say to people in situations like this, but I have no idea how i'm gonna phrase hanging out. "So, did you survive last night? Yeah, i'm kinda busted as well, ha ha. Wanna meet up in a couple of hours?" Hmm. It's not that good. I gotta draw on my booking skillz, asking the question in a way where it's harder for him to say no. "So, do you wanna go to a café, or do you wanna go to the park?". But then, that might appear pushy ... I better put a feeler out first. Goddam, I hope he's not too busted. :/
Well, basics: Two suggestions, not anymore, or i'll confuse him. Go along with him ("you're busted? Yeah, so am i..."). Give him space. Make it clear that it's only for an hour or two, if he's all strung out.
Shit. Half an hour or so. Aaah!
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Foook!
Jun. 6th, 2008 | 09:23 pm
My coordinates are: Uføret
Feeling: annoyed
Soundtrack: New Bomb Turks - I'm Weak
I've somehow managed to mislay 500 kr.
Right. Yesterday when I went to the tattoo parlor, I had 2500. Sweet Martin charged me 500 less than usual, which means I should have a bit less than a thousand in my wallet now. Well, I don't. I have a little less than four hundred or so. I've bought some food and stuff, but I should still have ... well, 500 more than I do now.
I've looked every fucking where. I got a card with my next appointments written on it, as I stood by the cashier, and I found that - in my wallet, safe and secure. I had figured it'd be with the 500, so howcome that's in my wallet, and the money isn't? It's not in the pockets of my skirt (besides, I *never* put money in pockets like that, especially not when i've just had my wallet in my hand, and it's an amount like that), it's not on the floor, it's not in the piggybank (which contains three sad coins and some outdated German ten-pfennig), it's not in the windowsill, it's not in Lude's pockets (what would it be doing there anyways).
Either i've actually put them in my pocket, and lost them when fishing for the bus ticket, which I doubt. Or else they're somewhere where I haven't been able to find them, but ... well, I would have found them by now.
Or else... it went something like this:
Louise: "Right, time to pay up..." *puts 2K on the table*
Delicious Martin: "Since this project's taking a bit longer than expected, i'll only charge you 1500." *smiles that way he does*
Louise, made retarded by above smile, and the thought of asking him out in a moment: "Okay!" *doesn't touch the money on the table because she's paralyzed with lovestruckness* Duhh *drools on herself while he looks away* *quickly wipes mouth*
Martin: *has been messing with the calendar, and thinks Louise has taken 500 back* "Right. So, I guess that's it for this time?" *pockets 2K without knowing it*
Wouldn't surprise me. I don't _recall_ getting 500 back. I mean, I don't remember opening my wallet again, and replacing the bill. But my auto pilot's usually pretty good, and I think I would have noticed if he had just pocketed the 2000. I mean, not that he was trying to cheat me, but that it just slipped. I think I was holding the bills when he told me i'd get off cheaper (huh huh), and thereby gave him 1500 first off. But ... I can't remember! My brain was somewhere else (probably in his pants).
So. I'm gonna go through all my stuff one more time. If I still haven't found them, i'm gonna assume i've lost them on the bus or something. Thing is, I can't ask him if he by chance had 500 too much when he counted the day's earnings yesterday. It's gonna sound so much like i'm trying to hustle him. I have his number, but I can't call him now, because that's gonna seem sticky and like a bad excuse, and if I wait until Sunday, he might have forgotten, or will be unable to check, because he's been out Saturday, and doesn't know how much he's spent.
I can't mention it as the first thing when I call him up, and if he can't hang out and I then bring it up, it's gonna sound like some kinda revenge thing.
Goddam!
This is so annoying. If (when! when, dammit, when) i'm meeting up with him Sunday, i'm gonna try to put it into the conversation if I can. But it's just so fishy. It's so much gonna sound like i'm trying to hustle him.
Fuck. If I wasn't up to dating him, i'd just call him and ask. But it's so precarious. I'm not gonna risk seeming sticky and clingy for five hundred bucks.
Right. Yesterday when I went to the tattoo parlor, I had 2500. Sweet Martin charged me 500 less than usual, which means I should have a bit less than a thousand in my wallet now. Well, I don't. I have a little less than four hundred or so. I've bought some food and stuff, but I should still have ... well, 500 more than I do now.
I've looked every fucking where. I got a card with my next appointments written on it, as I stood by the cashier, and I found that - in my wallet, safe and secure. I had figured it'd be with the 500, so howcome that's in my wallet, and the money isn't? It's not in the pockets of my skirt (besides, I *never* put money in pockets like that, especially not when i've just had my wallet in my hand, and it's an amount like that), it's not on the floor, it's not in the piggybank (which contains three sad coins and some outdated German ten-pfennig), it's not in the windowsill, it's not in Lude's pockets (what would it be doing there anyways).
Either i've actually put them in my pocket, and lost them when fishing for the bus ticket, which I doubt. Or else they're somewhere where I haven't been able to find them, but ... well, I would have found them by now.
Or else... it went something like this:
Louise: "Right, time to pay up..." *puts 2K on the table*
Delicious Martin: "Since this project's taking a bit longer than expected, i'll only charge you 1500." *smiles that way he does*
Louise, made retarded by above smile, and the thought of asking him out in a moment: "Okay!" *doesn't touch the money on the table because she's paralyzed with lovestruckness* Duhh *drools on herself while he looks away* *quickly wipes mouth*
Martin: *has been messing with the calendar, and thinks Louise has taken 500 back* "Right. So, I guess that's it for this time?" *pockets 2K without knowing it*
Wouldn't surprise me. I don't _recall_ getting 500 back. I mean, I don't remember opening my wallet again, and replacing the bill. But my auto pilot's usually pretty good, and I think I would have noticed if he had just pocketed the 2000. I mean, not that he was trying to cheat me, but that it just slipped. I think I was holding the bills when he told me i'd get off cheaper (huh huh), and thereby gave him 1500 first off. But ... I can't remember! My brain was somewhere else (probably in his pants).
So. I'm gonna go through all my stuff one more time. If I still haven't found them, i'm gonna assume i've lost them on the bus or something. Thing is, I can't ask him if he by chance had 500 too much when he counted the day's earnings yesterday. It's gonna sound so much like i'm trying to hustle him. I have his number, but I can't call him now, because that's gonna seem sticky and like a bad excuse, and if I wait until Sunday, he might have forgotten, or will be unable to check, because he's been out Saturday, and doesn't know how much he's spent.
I can't mention it as the first thing when I call him up, and if he can't hang out and I then bring it up, it's gonna sound like some kinda revenge thing.
Goddam!
This is so annoying. If (when! when, dammit, when) i'm meeting up with him Sunday, i'm gonna try to put it into the conversation if I can. But it's just so fishy. It's so much gonna sound like i'm trying to hustle him.
Fuck. If I wasn't up to dating him, i'd just call him and ask. But it's so precarious. I'm not gonna risk seeming sticky and clingy for five hundred bucks.
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Saturday
Jun. 6th, 2008 | 10:24 am
My coordinates are: Christianshavn
Feeling: content
Soundtrack: In my head: 22PP - Rat King
Anyone going to CPH Distortion this Saturday? I could reeeally use someone to tag along with. It's some street party stuff, and should be a lot of fun.
Or what I really mean: I wanna hit town this weekend, and I know ze delicious tattoo guy's gonna be there. I'd like to be there by accident. Of course i'll be hanging out with my people, not stalking him. I just wanna represent.
So, anyone up for it?
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Everybody's looking for a promised land
Jun. 5th, 2008 | 09:34 pm
My coordinates are: Uføret
Feeling: pensive
Soundtrack: Depeche Mode - See You
So. How did that go?
Better write stuff down before I forget.
I arrived at the tattoo studio feeling like someone who's just gotten into a rollercoaster they don't really know how wild is gonna be. The guy was friendly as usual, and we soon got tattooing. We talked pretty much during the entire session, and I think it went pretty well. I think he's kinda from the same background as me; semi-well off parents, sailing as a kid, stuff like that. He's pretty bright as well, and has this thing for old Danish. He's 27, by the way. Likes mechanics, dislikes electronical equipment, believes in smiling to the world and then it'll smile back, being a nice person. I should probably cut back on sarcasm and teasing him, I don't think he's as tough as I initially believed. He seems to generally just be a nice and sweet guy. He's checking into 50s rockabilly, and likes a lot of different stuff ... we had some good talks on music, movies and such.
So, bla bla bla. All in all, we had some good talks, and he opened up a bit on various topics, such as feeling insecure as a tattoo artist with no health insurance and so forth. Those days where you kinda worry about the future. I think that's good.
When I was wrapped up, we were standing by the cashier, finding time for new appointments, as well as paying him. When it had reached the point of completing our transactions, I took a deep breath and asked if he wanted to go out for coffee or shop comics or something. He thought it'd be nice, he seemed pretty casual about it. "Sure, we could do that..." He wafted through the calendar, and he's pretty busy, but we made a semi-appointment for Sunday. He's hitting town Friday and Saturday, and he doesn't know how busted he'd be Sunday. We talked about eating brunch, or finding dinner somewhere. He didn't want to put an exact time on it, and gave me his number, and told me to text him Sunday, to check if we were meeting up or what. He said that if he wasn't able to meet up, or didn't feel up for it, it wasn't because he wasn't interested in hanging out, but simply because he was busted up. I think that's fair enough, and I better remember that - he actually thinks it'd be nice to hang out, but he's pressed on time.
So I don't know. I think it went fairly well. There's an opening. I'm just a bit annoyed ... disappointed ... whatever, that he didn't go "YES! I'm on! Sunday sounds awesome, we'll go out for dinner!" In my world he should think i'm so cool that he definitely wants to hang out, and that should be important. But then ... I understand how he's pressed for time, and if he only has the weekend for hanging out with friends, messing with his car and so forth, I understand it can get a bit tight.
However, he did suggest hanging out before noon, and he did check his calendar pretty thoroughly.
So, I don't know what to think of it. Perhaps it's a bit anti-climactic, perhaps it's a decent opening.
I'm afraid of falling into the friends-category, but I rarely do that. So it's not a major worry.
I'm thinking more ... he's pretty busy, works a lot and such. I wonder what i'm getting myself into? I wish he was more on, more .. right, that sounds really great. I have a hunch he's not looking for a girlfriend, or that he simply doesn't have time for that. There's not space for that in his life. Then ... I wouldn't mind messing around with him. I think I could handle it, but who knows.
I feel myself sinking slightly into waiting position, or acquaintance status. I don't know, I don't expect much from this. When people are pressed for time, it's difficult to get close to them. It reminds me of Stoffer, and the redneck Bjarke I kinda baked on. I think Martin and I get along better, though, Bjarke felt superior to me, whereas with Martin I feel as if we connect pretty well.
Shit. I don't know. If I get to see him Sunday, I think i'm gonna poke him on how I think he's attractive, and how the horizon looks on that (damn, my english's terrible right now). I don't wanna struggle to maintain a friendship, so i'd like to get some clearance fairly fast.
If he can't hang out Sunday, i'm gonna try to get an appointment for next weekend, or else we'll figure something out for a date before noon. But that's not really what I wanted ... I wanted him to take me out (or vice versa).
Shit. It's so difficult and uphill. Think i'm gonna turn down the volume and my expectations (not that they're that high anyways). I'd be glad to hear your thoughts on it. :)
Better write stuff down before I forget.
I arrived at the tattoo studio feeling like someone who's just gotten into a rollercoaster they don't really know how wild is gonna be. The guy was friendly as usual, and we soon got tattooing. We talked pretty much during the entire session, and I think it went pretty well. I think he's kinda from the same background as me; semi-well off parents, sailing as a kid, stuff like that. He's pretty bright as well, and has this thing for old Danish. He's 27, by the way. Likes mechanics, dislikes electronical equipment, believes in smiling to the world and then it'll smile back, being a nice person. I should probably cut back on sarcasm and teasing him, I don't think he's as tough as I initially believed. He seems to generally just be a nice and sweet guy. He's checking into 50s rockabilly, and likes a lot of different stuff ... we had some good talks on music, movies and such.
So, bla bla bla. All in all, we had some good talks, and he opened up a bit on various topics, such as feeling insecure as a tattoo artist with no health insurance and so forth. Those days where you kinda worry about the future. I think that's good.
When I was wrapped up, we were standing by the cashier, finding time for new appointments, as well as paying him. When it had reached the point of completing our transactions, I took a deep breath and asked if he wanted to go out for coffee or shop comics or something. He thought it'd be nice, he seemed pretty casual about it. "Sure, we could do that..." He wafted through the calendar, and he's pretty busy, but we made a semi-appointment for Sunday. He's hitting town Friday and Saturday, and he doesn't know how busted he'd be Sunday. We talked about eating brunch, or finding dinner somewhere. He didn't want to put an exact time on it, and gave me his number, and told me to text him Sunday, to check if we were meeting up or what. He said that if he wasn't able to meet up, or didn't feel up for it, it wasn't because he wasn't interested in hanging out, but simply because he was busted up. I think that's fair enough, and I better remember that - he actually thinks it'd be nice to hang out, but he's pressed on time.
So I don't know. I think it went fairly well. There's an opening. I'm just a bit annoyed ... disappointed ... whatever, that he didn't go "YES! I'm on! Sunday sounds awesome, we'll go out for dinner!" In my world he should think i'm so cool that he definitely wants to hang out, and that should be important. But then ... I understand how he's pressed for time, and if he only has the weekend for hanging out with friends, messing with his car and so forth, I understand it can get a bit tight.
However, he did suggest hanging out before noon, and he did check his calendar pretty thoroughly.
So, I don't know what to think of it. Perhaps it's a bit anti-climactic, perhaps it's a decent opening.
I'm afraid of falling into the friends-category, but I rarely do that. So it's not a major worry.
I'm thinking more ... he's pretty busy, works a lot and such. I wonder what i'm getting myself into? I wish he was more on, more .. right, that sounds really great. I have a hunch he's not looking for a girlfriend, or that he simply doesn't have time for that. There's not space for that in his life. Then ... I wouldn't mind messing around with him. I think I could handle it, but who knows.
I feel myself sinking slightly into waiting position, or acquaintance status. I don't know, I don't expect much from this. When people are pressed for time, it's difficult to get close to them. It reminds me of Stoffer, and the redneck Bjarke I kinda baked on. I think Martin and I get along better, though, Bjarke felt superior to me, whereas with Martin I feel as if we connect pretty well.
Shit. I don't know. If I get to see him Sunday, I think i'm gonna poke him on how I think he's attractive, and how the horizon looks on that (damn, my english's terrible right now). I don't wanna struggle to maintain a friendship, so i'd like to get some clearance fairly fast.
If he can't hang out Sunday, i'm gonna try to get an appointment for next weekend, or else we'll figure something out for a date before noon. But that's not really what I wanted ... I wanted him to take me out (or vice versa).
Shit. It's so difficult and uphill. Think i'm gonna turn down the volume and my expectations (not that they're that high anyways). I'd be glad to hear your thoughts on it. :)
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... But there ain't nothing wrong with the way he moves
Jun. 4th, 2008 | 04:12 pm
My coordinates are: Christianshavn
Feeling: excited
Soundtrack: In my head: Grateful Dead - Scarlet Begonias
So.
Tomorrow's the big day. Of course, I try to do anything to cool down and not care, and I think i'm doing pretty well. I'm ... amazed, and interested, and a little nervous and excited, but I don't feel into it over my head. I can still focus on other things.
So.
This is pretty interesting. This is the last day where I don't know whether he'll go out with me or not. It's really good, and it's really bad simulteaneously. It's like the last day of innocence. Tomorrow it'll either be really good or really bad.
Ah well. It's not the event of the year. It's just a casual question of a cup of coffee. It's not that much, really. And if he says no, it's because he's retarded/not conscious of my awesome persona, and I can still enjoy the sight of his beautiful body.
Yeah.
Tomorrow's the big day. Of course, I try to do anything to cool down and not care, and I think i'm doing pretty well. I'm ... amazed, and interested, and a little nervous and excited, but I don't feel into it over my head. I can still focus on other things.
So.
This is pretty interesting. This is the last day where I don't know whether he'll go out with me or not. It's really good, and it's really bad simulteaneously. It's like the last day of innocence. Tomorrow it'll either be really good or really bad.
Ah well. It's not the event of the year. It's just a casual question of a cup of coffee. It's not that much, really. And if he says no, it's because he's retarded/not conscious of my awesome persona, and I can still enjoy the sight of his beautiful body.
Yeah.
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ATOM BOOOOMB, TEEE ENNN TEEEE...
Jun. 2nd, 2008 | 11:31 pm
My coordinates are: Uføret
Feeling: 
predatory
Soundtrack: Muse - Supermassive Black Hole
Poetry, instead of an entry. Probably kinda intern, read at own risk of boredom. :)
You
Are
So
Beautiful delicious hot you floor me blow me away
You drive me mad my defences are all gone
Detonations in my heart it breaks when
Looking at you it's like
A war raging inside of me, you're so
Intense, so fascinating
Touching you will make me spontaneously selfcombust
(or possibly just implode)
I shake riding home in
Another state of mind the
City's surrealistic supernatural
Every one I pass might be
You
I play it cool not glancing around
In my heart I know i've lost because
I'm so infatuated by you
Infatuated by you
You shine like a supernova like a
Mushroom cloud in my horizon the
Radiation rips my skin I stick
Around to peek at you but
I haven't got the guts to show myself
I'm unnerved so I take my leave
As you pack up
Like razors on my skin like lost rock'n'roll
I can't sleep I can't
Look at you (oh, look at you!)
I'll talk to you soon it feels like my chest's gonna explode
I've set my course oh you burn me so
---------
All this energy raging
I'm too wired too shaky
To do anything proper
I wound up hanging on my balcony
Smoking cigarettes scheming
Thinking of you and being nervous
Checking my gut feeling it says 'doubtful'
I don't know if that's realistic or pessimistic
You don't think i'm a moron
Or are you being professional
You give me retardedness and head explody
It drives me mad it's equilibrium
Phronesis hubris what's the use of academia
If I can't get to you?
--------
I somehow hope i'll get to tell this tale
To the one it was all about
So structured, tactical, planning out my strategy
Blowing my fuses in advance
I trust my skills and self-knowledge
I'm blind but I trust what i'm doing
I'm pretty good at playing this game
If nothing else, I got self control
If nothing else, it's a good story
Comic book material and an anecdote
Of how I fell fast and hard
Of how I found a hidden gem.
You
Are
So
Beautiful delicious hot you floor me blow me away
You drive me mad my defences are all gone
Detonations in my heart it breaks when
Looking at you it's like
A war raging inside of me, you're so
Intense, so fascinating
Touching you will make me spontaneously selfcombust
(or possibly just implode)
I shake riding home in
Another state of mind the
City's surrealistic supernatural
Every one I pass might be
You
I play it cool not glancing around
In my heart I know i've lost because
I'm so infatuated by you
Infatuated by you
You shine like a supernova like a
Mushroom cloud in my horizon the
Radiation rips my skin I stick
Around to peek at you but
I haven't got the guts to show myself
I'm unnerved so I take my leave
As you pack up
Like razors on my skin like lost rock'n'roll
I can't sleep I can't
Look at you (oh, look at you!)
I'll talk to you soon it feels like my chest's gonna explode
I've set my course oh you burn me so
---------
All this energy raging
I'm too wired too shaky
To do anything proper
I wound up hanging on my balcony
Smoking cigarettes scheming
Thinking of you and being nervous
Checking my gut feeling it says 'doubtful'
I don't know if that's realistic or pessimistic
You don't think i'm a moron
Or are you being professional
You give me retardedness and head explody
It drives me mad it's equilibrium
Phronesis hubris what's the use of academia
If I can't get to you?
--------
I somehow hope i'll get to tell this tale
To the one it was all about
So structured, tactical, planning out my strategy
Blowing my fuses in advance
I trust my skills and self-knowledge
I'm blind but I trust what i'm doing
I'm pretty good at playing this game
If nothing else, I got self control
If nothing else, it's a good story
Comic book material and an anecdote
Of how I fell fast and hard
Of how I found a hidden gem.
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Dear internets...
May. 30th, 2008 | 10:08 pm
My coordinates are: Uføret
Feeling: sleepy
Soundtrack: Screeching Weasel - Celena
Please reveal to me my personality.
Take Free Advanced Global Personality Test
personality test by similarminds.com
I'm not really that surprised. Though I beg to differ on the point where I spend so much time socializing I don't develop my internal skills, or what it is.
| Advanced Global Personality Test Results
|
personality test by similarminds.com
I'm not really that surprised. Though I beg to differ on the point where I spend so much time socializing I don't develop my internal skills, or what it is.
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On the wagon
May. 30th, 2008 | 12:12 am
My coordinates are: Uføret
Feeling: Giddy and drunk
Soundtrack: Vibrators - Baby baby baby
Oooh, oh, you're so pretty
Not to talk to you would be a crime
Let me put my arms around you
And use up a little of your time
And i'm going
Baby baby baby ..
Won't you be my guy?
Oh, your eyes they're so pretty
And the clothes you wear
They're so fine
Won't you come around to my place?
Just wanna use up a little of your time
Baby baby baby ...
Won't you be my guy?
Not to talk to you would be a crime
Let me put my arms around you
And use up a little of your time
And i'm going
Baby baby baby ..
Won't you be my guy?
Oh, your eyes they're so pretty
And the clothes you wear
They're so fine
Won't you come around to my place?
Just wanna use up a little of your time
Baby baby baby ...
Won't you be my guy?
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I'm on it as well...
May. 27th, 2008 | 04:19 pm
My coordinates are: Christianshavn
Feeling: amused
Soundtrack: In my head: Pennywise - Dying To Know
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Into the supermassive
May. 26th, 2008 | 10:18 pm
My coordinates are: Uføret
Feeling: chipper
Soundtrack: Pennywise - Dying To Know
Whew! Just sent off a job application. Hope it'll pay off. I feel slightly better now. I feel kinda .... not unhappy, not at all. But a little restless. I'm tired of my job, I wanna do something else, but i'm kinda slow on applying for jobs. It seems like when i'm off work, I wanna do anything but think of work, whether it's my current job or a new one.
It kinda cuts my heart that i'm not applying for jobs where I can use my thesis and specialties for anything. I should get my ass in gear and write some articles for newspapers or something, but it seems so ... unconquerable (yeah, i'm an acamedian and I can invent my own words if I feel like it).
I'm kinda thinking about getting into Maersk again, they seem to be seeking all sorts of people. Anyone got any advice or whatever on this? Frost? Kenneth? I know they take these very general job application interviews with people, where they kinda test if they can use you, and for what, but how do you go about that?
I'm still in fluffland over the tattoo artist (yeah, like that'll surprise you). Keon's probably going to talk to him tomorrow and fish out whether he has a girlfriend or not, i'm kinda anxious to hear the results of that. I like living in the possibility of opportunity, as I do now. It'll suck if he dates someone. But at least I won't have put my foot in my mouth, and well ... I have an advantage as to the other times where i've tried to get hold of guys, I have plenty of other stuff to do. I find myself being pretty creative at the moment, that's nice. I don't spend all my time mooning over hot tattoo artists. I mean, i'll live. :) I focus on other things as well. It makes it more bearable.
But what if he says yes? Squeeeeeeeee! That's one scary thought. And lovely. :3
I'll let Pennywise sum up.
So you push things back in your mind
Cuz the thought was too intense .... That don't make sense.
Everytime there's a chance to take - take it
Everytime there's a rule to break - break it
Gotta have it
I must know it
This is my only chance
And I ain't gonna blow it
It's in my nature, something so sublime
Got to know this, before i'm out of time...
Right. I feel like writing nano fic. Let's go.
It kinda cuts my heart that i'm not applying for jobs where I can use my thesis and specialties for anything. I should get my ass in gear and write some articles for newspapers or something, but it seems so ... unconquerable (yeah, i'm an acamedian and I can invent my own words if I feel like it).
I'm kinda thinking about getting into Maersk again, they seem to be seeking all sorts of people. Anyone got any advice or whatever on this? Frost? Kenneth? I know they take these very general job application interviews with people, where they kinda test if they can use you, and for what, but how do you go about that?
I'm still in fluffland over the tattoo artist (yeah, like that'll surprise you). Keon's probably going to talk to him tomorrow and fish out whether he has a girlfriend or not, i'm kinda anxious to hear the results of that. I like living in the possibility of opportunity, as I do now. It'll suck if he dates someone. But at least I won't have put my foot in my mouth, and well ... I have an advantage as to the other times where i've tried to get hold of guys, I have plenty of other stuff to do. I find myself being pretty creative at the moment, that's nice. I don't spend all my time mooning over hot tattoo artists. I mean, i'll live. :) I focus on other things as well. It makes it more bearable.
But what if he says yes? Squeeeeeeeee! That's one scary thought. And lovely. :3
I'll let Pennywise sum up.
So you push things back in your mind
Cuz the thought was too intense .... That don't make sense.
Everytime there's a chance to take - take it
Everytime there's a rule to break - break it
Gotta have it
I must know it
This is my only chance
And I ain't gonna blow it
It's in my nature, something so sublime
Got to know this, before i'm out of time...
Right. I feel like writing nano fic. Let's go.
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But you frighten me off/Like a fire does
May. 25th, 2008 | 12:21 am
My coordinates are: Uføret
Feeling: pensive
Soundtrack: Henrik Hall - Min Terminator
Just got home from the movies, i've seen Indiana Jones: Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull along with a bunch of people. It was good - I wager the point that the first half of the movie is the best. It's got a James-Dean-Lude-style guy fighting in a café/diner. Awesome. :3
Going home was kinda anticlimactic. I guess I felt a little lonely. I sometimes feel like that when i've been with a group of people, and then have to separate from them. Or maybe I prefer hanging out a bit and talking after a movie, just going home seems so abrupt.
And insert tattoo guy blues. Ooh, what if he says no to coffee? It seems so difficult. Like trying to book a meeting on a campaign you know are fucked up. Damn, i'm damaged from work. :) No, but ... There seem to be so many things that can go wrong. He's got a girlfriend, he thinks i'm a dork, he doesn't go out with customers, and so on.
Earlier today I saw this men's magazine with tattooed girls on the cover (still kinda pin-up pictures, but cool they're showing freaky girls), and this horrible thought struck me - what if he's dating someone like that? He seem to hang out these pretty fashionable places. What if he's bagged some really interesting person? And who the hell am I anyways .... Ooh the angst.
Jeg er en flink terrorist
Der slår tiden ihjel
Jeg er et tomt arsenal
Jeg er en taber i krig
Jeg er et gråt hospital
Jeg er en døs, jeg er et skrig
Du er min hemmelige elskede
Du er den eneste der duer
Jeg lukker mine fængsler
Jeg stopper min tortur
Min CIA, min FBI
Og alt der skygger dig...
Guess I still feel like miss Nerdy trying to bag some jetset person. Damn. Sometimes I wanna quit this, but i've already planned my course. I have to act as optimistically as I can.
I like toying with thoughts of this (as you've already discovered). What if he says no? Why would he say no? What if he says yes?
I guess he'd say no if he was already spoken for, if he simply didn't think I was interesting, or if he had some policy about not dating customers. I don't know if the last one is valid, though. I mean, if it goes totally to hell, then it's me who has a problem with getting someone to finish it, not him. So that'd be a precaution i'm taking if I choose not to date a tattoo artist. Besides, it's common that they tattoo their friends. That could get complicated as well, but there are no unwritten rules about that, I guess. But then - they were friends before they started tattooing them? I don't know. Or maybe he just don't wanna date, period, he's content tattooing, hanging out with friends, and messing with his car.
If he says no, then it sucks, but at least i'll reach that conclusion, and won't have to think about it. I'll miss the feeling of crushing on someone, and i'll be sad that it's not to be. But then ... by now he should be able to determine whether i'm interesting for him or not, and if he says no, well, then that's it. Then it's not to be, and I can move on. If he doesn't think i'm interesting by now, then it's not supposed to be. That sounds kinda harsh, but I've given him full fire a couple of times now, and if it doesn't work, nothing will.
I hope it's not going to damage the tattoo project. It'll probably be a little embarrassing, and I think i'll have a case of rejection every time I see him, but I can live with that. I'd rather risk that, than not doing anything at all. Best case is we start dating, worst case is I have to be professional when I see him. Ah well, weigh it out.
So what if he says yes? Oh, shit. :) I'll have to find a café or something, or let him suggest something. And then i'll converse (conversate?) like hell, and flirt, if I can get away with it (and I should be able to). It's kinda funny. I can tell in detail what's gonna happen if he says no, and why he'll do it, or I can make some qualified guesses.
I'm having a much harder time coming up with what i'll do if he says yes to a date, and why he'd do that. Maybe it's because I underestimate myself, or maybe it's because I somehow know he's gonna say no. That's a nasty belief.
If it's true that the world shapes itself after what you believe, then i'd better start believing in a yes. :) Hmm ... I think it could basically go anywhere on a date. Either we'll talk, and it's fun, but there's no chemistry, maybe he'll be really happy and flirt back, maybe it'll head straight to bed. If it comes to that, i'm gonna try to sit real tight and not sleep with him right away. It's good for him to struggle a bit.
Why would he say yes? Hee hee. Well ... Because he finds me sympathetic, or fun, or interesting or whatever. Maybe because he's a social person, who don't mind hanging out at semi-random. Maybe he even thinks i'm attractive (oh, the thought of it).
Maybe because I have the guts to ask him out, or because i'm fun, or because i'm different than the other girls he knows.
Shit. I feel so blind, I have no clue what he could be thinking. He must think i'm fun, he was joking with me being cheeky last time. It kinda rang a bell with me, kinda like ... "okay, I got under your skin there in a good way". He smiles when he sees me, but well, that could just be him being professional. God damn. There's been no comments or compliments or whatever, I guess he'd say it, if he thought something was interesting. (But then, i've done nothing of the sort as well). I'm pretty sure I caught him looking at Keon and I in the reflection of that picture on the door, when we were down there. We had this short moment of eye contact. Maybe he was checking me out, maybe he was just checking what we were doing.
When we were leaving, he was asking when we had the next appointment. I mean ... why? He could just check his book, it's not information that's necessary for him to know. Maybe he wanted to estimate how much i'd have healed up until next session, maybe it was an attempt to keep me hanging for a moment longer.
Well, shit. And fuck. I have no clue. I don't know how he would be acting if he was into me. Would he mention it, or wouldn't he say a word, because i'm a customer, and it's creepy to hit on customers? It seems as if he's very good at separating private life from work, maybe he does that with the people he works with as well ... puts on a mask when going to work, taking it off in the spare time... and view customers as neutral entities, not as humans.
I guess ... so far I think he finds me vaguely interesting, as in "well, she's pretty cool." That's a start. Of course, he should be totally on his knees for me by now, if it was up to me, but oh well. I don't think it's completely hopeless. I think primarily I need to get over the hurdle in my head that makes me feel like a retard loser with greasy hair and bad teeth. I guess ... he intimidates me, because he's sharp, good looking and seems well-established. I still feel like some university bum. But then ... I kick his ass in other areas. Intellectually, culturally, and probably at shooting clay doves as well.
Maybe he thinks i'm intimidating (but I have my doubts) or maybe he assumes I couldn't be into a simple guy like him. Well ... the beginning of June will show. Gasp.
Going home was kinda anticlimactic. I guess I felt a little lonely. I sometimes feel like that when i've been with a group of people, and then have to separate from them. Or maybe I prefer hanging out a bit and talking after a movie, just going home seems so abrupt.
And insert tattoo guy blues. Ooh, what if he says no to coffee? It seems so difficult. Like trying to book a meeting on a campaign you know are fucked up. Damn, i'm damaged from work. :) No, but ... There seem to be so many things that can go wrong. He's got a girlfriend, he thinks i'm a dork, he doesn't go out with customers, and so on.
Earlier today I saw this men's magazine with tattooed girls on the cover (still kinda pin-up pictures, but cool they're showing freaky girls), and this horrible thought struck me - what if he's dating someone like that? He seem to hang out these pretty fashionable places. What if he's bagged some really interesting person? And who the hell am I anyways .... Ooh the angst.
Jeg er en flink terrorist
Der slår tiden ihjel
Jeg er et tomt arsenal
Jeg er en taber i krig
Jeg er et gråt hospital
Jeg er en døs, jeg er et skrig
Du er min hemmelige elskede
Du er den eneste der duer
Jeg lukker mine fængsler
Jeg stopper min tortur
Min CIA, min FBI
Og alt der skygger dig...
Guess I still feel like miss Nerdy trying to bag some jetset person. Damn. Sometimes I wanna quit this, but i've already planned my course. I have to act as optimistically as I can.
I like toying with thoughts of this (as you've already discovered). What if he says no? Why would he say no? What if he says yes?
I guess he'd say no if he was already spoken for, if he simply didn't think I was interesting, or if he had some policy about not dating customers. I don't know if the last one is valid, though. I mean, if it goes totally to hell, then it's me who has a problem with getting someone to finish it, not him. So that'd be a precaution i'm taking if I choose not to date a tattoo artist. Besides, it's common that they tattoo their friends. That could get complicated as well, but there are no unwritten rules about that, I guess. But then - they were friends before they started tattooing them? I don't know. Or maybe he just don't wanna date, period, he's content tattooing, hanging out with friends, and messing with his car.
If he says no, then it sucks, but at least i'll reach that conclusion, and won't have to think about it. I'll miss the feeling of crushing on someone, and i'll be sad that it's not to be. But then ... by now he should be able to determine whether i'm interesting for him or not, and if he says no, well, then that's it. Then it's not to be, and I can move on. If he doesn't think i'm interesting by now, then it's not supposed to be. That sounds kinda harsh, but I've given him full fire a couple of times now, and if it doesn't work, nothing will.
I hope it's not going to damage the tattoo project. It'll probably be a little embarrassing, and I think i'll have a case of rejection every time I see him, but I can live with that. I'd rather risk that, than not doing anything at all. Best case is we start dating, worst case is I have to be professional when I see him. Ah well, weigh it out.
So what if he says yes? Oh, shit. :) I'll have to find a café or something, or let him suggest something. And then i'll converse (conversate?) like hell, and flirt, if I can get away with it (and I should be able to). It's kinda funny. I can tell in detail what's gonna happen if he says no, and why he'll do it, or I can make some qualified guesses.
I'm having a much harder time coming up with what i'll do if he says yes to a date, and why he'd do that. Maybe it's because I underestimate myself, or maybe it's because I somehow know he's gonna say no. That's a nasty belief.
If it's true that the world shapes itself after what you believe, then i'd better start believing in a yes. :) Hmm ... I think it could basically go anywhere on a date. Either we'll talk, and it's fun, but there's no chemistry, maybe he'll be really happy and flirt back, maybe it'll head straight to bed. If it comes to that, i'm gonna try to sit real tight and not sleep with him right away. It's good for him to struggle a bit.
Why would he say yes? Hee hee. Well ... Because he finds me sympathetic, or fun, or interesting or whatever. Maybe because he's a social person, who don't mind hanging out at semi-random. Maybe he even thinks i'm attractive (oh, the thought of it).
Maybe because I have the guts to ask him out, or because i'm fun, or because i'm different than the other girls he knows.
Shit. I feel so blind, I have no clue what he could be thinking. He must think i'm fun, he was joking with me being cheeky last time. It kinda rang a bell with me, kinda like ... "okay, I got under your skin there in a good way". He smiles when he sees me, but well, that could just be him being professional. God damn. There's been no comments or compliments or whatever, I guess he'd say it, if he thought something was interesting. (But then, i've done nothing of the sort as well). I'm pretty sure I caught him looking at Keon and I in the reflection of that picture on the door, when we were down there. We had this short moment of eye contact. Maybe he was checking me out, maybe he was just checking what we were doing.
When we were leaving, he was asking when we had the next appointment. I mean ... why? He could just check his book, it's not information that's necessary for him to know. Maybe he wanted to estimate how much i'd have healed up until next session, maybe it was an attempt to keep me hanging for a moment longer.
Well, shit. And fuck. I have no clue. I don't know how he would be acting if he was into me. Would he mention it, or wouldn't he say a word, because i'm a customer, and it's creepy to hit on customers? It seems as if he's very good at separating private life from work, maybe he does that with the people he works with as well ... puts on a mask when going to work, taking it off in the spare time... and view customers as neutral entities, not as humans.
I guess ... so far I think he finds me vaguely interesting, as in "well, she's pretty cool." That's a start. Of course, he should be totally on his knees for me by now, if it was up to me, but oh well. I don't think it's completely hopeless. I think primarily I need to get over the hurdle in my head that makes me feel like a retard loser with greasy hair and bad teeth. I guess ... he intimidates me, because he's sharp, good looking and seems well-established. I still feel like some university bum. But then ... I kick his ass in other areas. Intellectually, culturally, and probably at shooting clay doves as well.
Maybe he thinks i'm intimidating (but I have my doubts) or maybe he assumes I couldn't be into a simple guy like him. Well ... the beginning of June will show. Gasp.
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Goin' down to the ruby room/I'm gonna meet my doom
May. 22nd, 2008 | 09:32 pm
My coordinates are: Uføret
Feeling: giddy
Soundtrack: Henrik Hall - Solo
He is so fiiiiinnneeee!
Or in other words. I went to the tattoo studio today, officially so Keon could talk to the fabled tattoo guy, unofficially so I could ogle him, and flash him to Keon and Tenna. It went pretty well, we caught him on his dinner break, and him and Keon had a good chat. He also took a look at my tattoo, which mostly has healed up.
Fuck he's so hot. Tenna and Keon agrees with me, which means i'm not totally off my rocker. He was all like "so, what are you doing here?" grinning, as we came in the door. I take that as a relatively positive sign. Maybe he's being professional, but at least he acted fairly pleased to see me.
I want to scratch that surface, I wanna get beneath his professionalism.
There was something engraved on his portfolio which could be his last name, so I've tried googling him, and checking the white pages as well. No results, de nada. Or well, I found two guys with that name in Copenhagen; one in Nordvest, another on Vesterbro. I tried checking the address to see if there were others living on that address (of a female nature, hrmmmpf), but nothing showed up. So maybe it was just the brand of the portfolio, who knows. Or maybe he's just not very visible on the net.
So anyway.
Seeing him was such a fix. It's a surge. Hung out with Keon and Tenna, all giggly, it was really nice. Then Tenna and I decided to meet up at my place (I was on bike, she was on the bus), and I rode home really fast, listening to Henrik Hall and my heart speeding, like a dream world, ... sharp. I love this rush.
So. This is what I think I know: This is gonna be really boring and probably for my personal use, so skip this part if you wanna.
1. He works Monday-Thursday, from midday until closing time.
2. He messes with his car and motor bike in his spare time.
3. He works out - and I think he's on something as well. Both Keon and Sarah support that theory. He looks very well trained, concerning he shouldn't have that much time to work out.
4. I think. I THINK he's single. There's been no mention of girlfriends, fiancées, no names tattooed, no rings, no nothing. We've been around a lot of topics, and I think it would have come up. Like ... "Yeah, last weekend my girlfriend and I went to the movies" or whatever.
5. He used to be a painter, or at least has that profession. Like. Gone to technical school and completed the apprenticeship.
6. He likes Japanese art.
Okay, boring part over.
I think one of the main hurdles is to cross the line between a professional relationship, and getting personal. There's a big difference in how you deal with customers and how you deal with friends.
Tenna had a good suggestion. Prototype situation:
Louise: "So, um, you wanna go get a cup of coffee with me?"
Tattoo guy: "No, I can't, I have some stuff I need to do."
Louise: "Okay .... how about early next week?"
Tattoo guy: "I'm pretty busy there..."
Louise: "So, when do you wanna do it, then?"
Tattoo guy: "Well, i'm not sure..."
Louise: "You're not the dating type? Ahaha ..."
Of course, I count on him saying yes. But Tenna suggested to throw in the dating aspect, which I think is a good idea, if I pull it off kinda jokingly. It gives him the chance to say he's otherwise engaged or not interested or whatever, without it getting too serious or anything. And I get to make 110% sure he's getting the message. So if he says no, it means he's not interested in dating me at all.
Ooh, it's so exciting. I'm pretty interested in/anxious to see how he'll handle it. I have a hunch there's gonna be something about customer policies, or something like that. Wouldn't surprise me if he tries to keep his private life and work separate. He seems down to earth and forward enough to say something among the lines of either we date, or he tattooes me. I hope he won't think i'm hitting on him to get a discount, but I doubt he'll think that.
One of the things i'm gonna work on, is making sure we connect. I think you're always a bit of yourself while you're at work, of course, but I also think you put on this mask, your professional facade. I need to get under that, I need to make some kinda connection. I need to get familiar with him, and make him open up. It's not hard to chit-chat on auto pilot, everybody has topics they randomly talk about with anybody, without giving it much thought.
Okay. I'm gonna head to bed with a book, after i've heard a bit of music. :)
Or in other words. I went to the tattoo studio today, officially so Keon could talk to the fabled tattoo guy, unofficially so I could ogle him, and flash him to Keon and Tenna. It went pretty well, we caught him on his dinner break, and him and Keon had a good chat. He also took a look at my tattoo, which mostly has healed up.
Fuck he's so hot. Tenna and Keon agrees with me, which means i'm not totally off my rocker. He was all like "so, what are you doing here?" grinning, as we came in the door. I take that as a relatively positive sign. Maybe he's being professional, but at least he acted fairly pleased to see me.
I want to scratch that surface, I wanna get beneath his professionalism.
There was something engraved on his portfolio which could be his last name, so I've tried googling him, and checking the white pages as well. No results, de nada. Or well, I found two guys with that name in Copenhagen; one in Nordvest, another on Vesterbro. I tried checking the address to see if there were others living on that address (of a female nature, hrmmmpf), but nothing showed up. So maybe it was just the brand of the portfolio, who knows. Or maybe he's just not very visible on the net.
So anyway.
Seeing him was such a fix. It's a surge. Hung out with Keon and Tenna, all giggly, it was really nice. Then Tenna and I decided to meet up at my place (I was on bike, she was on the bus), and I rode home really fast, listening to Henrik Hall and my heart speeding, like a dream world, ... sharp. I love this rush.
So. This is what I think I know: This is gonna be really boring and probably for my personal use, so skip this part if you wanna.
1. He works Monday-Thursday, from midday until closing time.
2. He messes with his car and motor bike in his spare time.
3. He works out - and I think he's on something as well. Both Keon and Sarah support that theory. He looks very well trained, concerning he shouldn't have that much time to work out.
4. I think. I THINK he's single. There's been no mention of girlfriends, fiancées, no names tattooed, no rings, no nothing. We've been around a lot of topics, and I think it would have come up. Like ... "Yeah, last weekend my girlfriend and I went to the movies" or whatever.
5. He used to be a painter, or at least has that profession. Like. Gone to technical school and completed the apprenticeship.
6. He likes Japanese art.
Okay, boring part over.
I think one of the main hurdles is to cross the line between a professional relationship, and getting personal. There's a big difference in how you deal with customers and how you deal with friends.
Tenna had a good suggestion. Prototype situation:
Louise: "So, um, you wanna go get a cup of coffee with me?"
Tattoo guy: "No, I can't, I have some stuff I need to do."
Louise: "Okay .... how about early next week?"
Tattoo guy: "I'm pretty busy there..."
Louise: "So, when do you wanna do it, then?"
Tattoo guy: "Well, i'm not sure..."
Louise: "You're not the dating type? Ahaha ..."
Of course, I count on him saying yes. But Tenna suggested to throw in the dating aspect, which I think is a good idea, if I pull it off kinda jokingly. It gives him the chance to say he's otherwise engaged or not interested or whatever, without it getting too serious or anything. And I get to make 110% sure he's getting the message. So if he says no, it means he's not interested in dating me at all.
Ooh, it's so exciting. I'm pretty interested in/anxious to see how he'll handle it. I have a hunch there's gonna be something about customer policies, or something like that. Wouldn't surprise me if he tries to keep his private life and work separate. He seems down to earth and forward enough to say something among the lines of either we date, or he tattooes me. I hope he won't think i'm hitting on him to get a discount, but I doubt he'll think that.
One of the things i'm gonna work on, is making sure we connect. I think you're always a bit of yourself while you're at work, of course, but I also think you put on this mask, your professional facade. I need to get under that, I need to make some kinda connection. I need to get familiar with him, and make him open up. It's not hard to chit-chat on auto pilot, everybody has topics they randomly talk about with anybody, without giving it much thought.
Okay. I'm gonna head to bed with a book, after i've heard a bit of music. :)
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(no subject)
May. 22nd, 2008 | 02:19 pm
My coordinates are: Christianshavn
Feeling: amused
Soundtrack: In my head: Social D - Lude Boy
Took the HP quiz that Frost had put up. Here's the result ... Haha, pretty cool. :D
Find out your Harry Potter personality at LiquidGeneration!
Find out your Harry Potter personality at LiquidGeneration!
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Som Iggy Pop, Ligesom Iggy Pop
May. 21st, 2008 | 10:26 pm
My coordinates are: Uføret
Feeling: philosophic
Soundtrack: Henrik Hall - Suzuki
Just had my first dancing lessons by Sarah. Whee! I know like, four steps now. Got a good thing going with the hips, but my arms are still spastic. Hmm. I'll have to work on that. :) She's really nice. I hope she'll steer clear of fucked up guys.
It's kinda weird hanging out with her, she's so much everything i'm not. She works as a model and dancer, has no education, has been to jail and hangs out with some pretty shady people, goes to discos, wears pink ... all that stuff. My total opposite. :) It's very interesting, it breaks down a lot of my prejudicies. I guess that one of the things we have in common is that we're both very down to earth. Sometimes I think she makes me feel really nice, but then ... that doesn't mean i'm a mental wimp or pushover, probably just that she's had to toughen up through experiences I never hope to have.
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Here comes your man
May. 18th, 2008 | 02:44 pm
My coordinates are: Uføret
Feeling: accomplished
Soundtrack: Black Cat Music - Wine In A Box
I'm doing stuff at the moment I never thought I would ... I'm brushing up on my philosophy! ^^ I've picked up my Normative Ethics book (well, technically it's Majkens), and did a lot of surfing today to uncover theories and disciplines and such. Cool.
Maybe it's the tattoo artist thing that makes me do it. The brighter I feel compared to him, the less i'm scared of him.
I managed to do some other stuff as well. I've made the sketch for Kasper of his Poseidon painting, i'd like to clean it up, but it's not important. Then i've done the huge amount of dishes and stuff that had accumulated in my kitchen, uploaded photostories, done some pics, and so on. It feels really good.
Well, think my upload's done. Better get back to posting pics.
Maybe it's the tattoo artist thing that makes me do it. The brighter I feel compared to him, the less i'm scared of him.
I managed to do some other stuff as well. I've made the sketch for Kasper of his Poseidon painting, i'd like to clean it up, but it's not important. Then i've done the huge amount of dishes and stuff that had accumulated in my kitchen, uploaded photostories, done some pics, and so on. It feels really good.
Well, think my upload's done. Better get back to posting pics.
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There are footprints on my ceeeiliiing
May. 15th, 2008 | 10:14 pm
My coordinates are: Parents' place
Feeling: 
Retarded
Soundtrack: In my head: Green Day - Jinx
This is ridiculous. I should be focusing on creativity, writing, drawing, deer hunting, Lude and the boys, Mike Ness, mailing Matthew, dolls, the weekend's activites, a good book, whatever. But instead I find myself giggling and thinking about ze tattoo artist (even I am getting bored of hearing about him... Or so I'd like to think).
This is so stupid.
And even worse. Unless the almost impossible happens and he actually decided to go out with me, i'm jinxed.
1. Acting, and putting my foot in my mouth
or
2. Never getting around to do anything, and ending up kicking myself.
Hm. Both options involve feet.
Continue further onto getting too embarrassed to have more tattoos made by him.
This is really fucking stupid. I'm too old and jaded to feel like this.
And the above sentence doesn't match with my feminine strategy.
Damn! Jinxed, I tell ya.
*sings* You finally met your nemesis/disguised as your fatal long lost love/so kiss it goodbye, until death do we part/You fell for a jinx, for crying out loud ....
On the other hand. I have drive. I feel .. destiino! I can't not believe in the success of it. Because come on ... it's meant to be. Course it is. Cannot fail. *megalomanic*
So anyway. This is out of proportion, and ends today.
Period.
You listening, Louise?